


Caravan of Love

by lazorjam



Series: The Milex Anthology [8]
Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe, Boys In Love, Clubbing, Drinking, Holidays, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24019360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazorjam/pseuds/lazorjam
Summary: Alex was 23; how he had found himself sat inside a caravan with his entire family in the height of the British summer he didn't know. He should be with his mates at Leeds festival, not sat on the floor of a four bed trailer with his little cousin. That was until Miles, the overenthusiastic holiday rep, bounced into his life.
Relationships: Miles Kane/Alex Turner
Series: The Milex Anthology [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1081167
Comments: 17
Kudos: 36





	1. i

Driving up to the site in his mum's old Fiat Punto, Alex was already dreading the next week. But it was Grandma's 80th and, much to his dismay, that meant all fifteen of them cramming into three caravans on the beachy south coast. It was his first time he had been to a caravan park since he was thirteen and he had gone away with his family for Grandma's 70th. It was slowly becoming somewhat of a tradition. However, Alex had far better things to be doing than dragging his cousins down to the the entertainment complex or watching The Chase with his grandparents. But it was nice to have some time with his family, Uni having dragged him away from them for some while as he completed his masters. The sun was bright in the sky as he parked up outside the main hub and his mum jumped out to get the keys to their caravan. Lily and James were already arguing, his dad sat between them with a scowl, looking at his son with a hopeful stare in the rear view mirror. Alex just smiled, winking hidden by the tint of his sunglasses.

"Right, all good then?" Penny asked as she got back in, jingling the key in her hand and flicking through the paperwork, Alex glancing at the cartoon map in her hands that showed where their caravan was located. Alex thought he had a rough idea and started the engine again, his mum directing him as they drove down the winding paths, narrowly dodging families whilst loose kids and dogs ran along the paths. It wasn't Alex's scene; there was no appeal to spending her time here rather than back up in Manchester with his mates, nights on the town and crawling back home at four am with a new lad on his hip. Of course his family didn't know this, thinking he was spending his evenings reading Shakespeare and Orwell in preparation for his new career in publishing. All that mattered was that he would return to them on the odd Sunday for a roast and some down time, normally following an argument with Alexa and Nick over some menial thing. 

Parking outside their new seeming caravan, his young siblings squealed with excitement and practically leapt out of the car when he pulled up the hand-break. His mum tutted, and dad shuffled out after them, watching the kids charge up to the door and bang on it excitedly. Alex slipped out, sunglasses resting on the top of his head as he helped his dad get the bags out of the car whilst his mum fiddled to unlock the front door, Lily and James already yelling and thundering about the caravan when the two men stepped through the front door into the sticky heat of the caravan. Alex groaned and poked her head into the bedrooms, trying to find the nicest room and settling on the smallest, a single bed squashed under the window and cabinet at its foot, barely enough room for the table beside the bed. He placed his backpack down on the bed and got his phone from his pocket, ignoring the notifications in favour of his mum's shout. 

"Al darling," She called, Alex poking his head out the door. "Could you pop to reception and get us some more pillows?" She asked, pillowcase in her hand.

"Aint there any on top of the wardrobe?" He asked, Penny shaking her head in reply. "A'ight, I'll be back in a bit then." He said, heading out the front door and following the road back to where they'd been ten minutes before. He went inside, glad of the air conditioning, and waited in the queue at the desk, fiddling with the signet ring on his pinkie. As soon as the family in front of him walked away, he approached the desk and chewed his lips the moment his eyes set upon the man stood in front of him. He gave Alex a grin, showing off his pokey teeth and making his eyes crinkle at the corners. Alex smiled back with nowhere near as much enthusiasm, trying to take the same-aged lad in. He wasn't unattractive by any means, but he wasn't Alex's type. He knew the second he opened his mouth he was going to be as camp as anything, the face-paint on his cheeks already suggesting that. 

"How can I help you this lovely afternoon?" He asked cheerfully, his Scouse accent surprising Alex. He looked to his name badge, Miles scrawled in terrible handwriting. 

"We need s'more pillows." Alex said, giving Miles a once over. Even in his oversized blue polo-shirt and waterproof trousers, Alex could tell he was just as skinny as himself with fluffy brown hair giving him the look of an off-duty skater boy. 

"Okay, cool. Well if you let me have your chalet details I can bring some over t' ya later. The cleaner's are just finishing up so we normally draft extras out once they're done." He said, grabbing a clipboard from the table behind him. Alex only have a half a second glance to his ass, biting back a smile as Miles turned back to him and offered him the form. 

"Oh, ah, I don't really remember where we are." Alex frowned, looking at the form and then back to Miles. He wafted his hand and smiled.

"Just put down the name of the booker and I'll work it out; got it all on the system like." He smiled, Alex nodding and scribbling Penny Turner onto the form, along with their request for extra pillows, and passed it back to Miles. "Mega, I'll get that all sorted for you. Just pop back if you need anything else." He said cheerfully, tugging the form off the clipboard. 

"A'ight, cheers." Alex said, a second of silence between them, eyes connected for a split second too long, before Alex turned and left, sunglasses back on as he scowled to himself. That was strange, that little section of connection between him and Miles was not so dissimilar to every moment of connection he'd had with lads in nightclubs before he snogged their faces off and whisked them back to his flat. He almost laughed at the ridiculousness of it, shaking his head and kicking the gravel as he headed back to the caravan.

The constant squabbling between the three siblings had made Alex forget about the whole pillow talk with Miles. James had decided it was a fantastic idea to rummage through Alex's belongings and happily throw them around the caravan, Alex horror stricken at the sight of the jockstrap swinging from the aerial outside. He was positive he was going to throttle his brother, their parents just laughing at the sight of Alex trying to scale the side of the caravan to retrieve his jeans that had been swung onto the roof. Alex was sure he was the only sane one of the bunch, yelling at his brother who was trying to tug his trainer off as he shakily climbed down from the roof, unhooking the jockstrap as he went. James received a very necessary wack to the arm, the fourteen year old still howling with laughter as they were flocked inside by Penny, still laughing at the sight of her eldest sheepishly retrieving his bottle of lube from the kitchen cupboard. 

Alex was left be by his family who took to the car and headed to the supermarket, the eldest Turner glad of the peace and quiet. He had managed to wipe the mud from his belongings and was in the middle of folding them when there was a knock at the door. He looked down at himself, realising his t-shirt had been discarded during the clothing fiasco, but just assumed his mum had forgotten something and was coming back for it. It wasn't till he flung the door open and Miles stood looking back at him, hugging two pillows, he realised he may have messed up slightly. 

"Your pillows." Miles said cheerfully, Alex taking them and giving him a nod, suddenly feeling a little awkward. "I was just heading down to the pool so thought I'd drop them by as I was coming this way." He said, Alex then noticing his bright red shorts and lifeguard polo Miles was now in. "OAP aerobics for me today." He chuckled and Alex smiled.

"Well, am sure they'll be glad to have some eye-candy leading them." Alex said, confidence coming out from nowhere. Miles was obviously taken aback by Alex's words, giving him a small smile and then rocking back and forth, clearly nervous. 

"Well, can't say they complain." He chuckled, checking his watch and then looking back at Alex. "I'll see you around." He said, and then left, Alex poking his head out the door and watching him walk away. He sighed to himself, chewing his lip and wondering just what on earth had happened to him in that moment. He wasn't that attracted to Miles, and he was already dead sure that the Scouser wasn't as gay as he had first envisaged. Alex just figured it was down to him not having had any action for a while and wanting some way to distract himself from the otherwise havoc that was his family. He shut his bedroom door behind him, flicked the lock, and searched for where he'd put his lube.

His family, including the second carload of relatives, arrived just as he'd finished up in the bathroom, showered and in black jeans and cream shirt with far too many buttons undone. Penny tutted the second she saw her son, fiddling to do up a few buttons whilst his siblings thrust things into cupboards, Alex already bagsying the Coco Pops from the selection pack. Lily whined in annoyance and Alex just poked his tongue out at her. They'd not long finished unpacking the shopping when his aunt Lisa and her army of tiny children barged into the caravan. He could see Oscar going for his acoustic that was lying on the sofa, and he was quick to pluck it away from his tiny, chubby hands. His bottom lip quivered, and Alex just stared at the five year old, looking to Lisa and then back to his cousin. Sure he was going to get to fiddle with the guitar, he toddled back to where Lily was making a fuss of his sisters. Alex sat on the sofa, guitar on his lap, and gave a smile to his eldest cousin who was stood awkwardly by her mum. Taylor was a few years younger than him and the two had always loved seeing each other at events, but this time there was another girl with her, with dark skin and hair tied into two buns either side of her head. The other girl looked over to him and she smiled, giving Alex a small wave before they shuffled past the other family members and over to him.

"Alright Tay." Alex smiled, standing and hugging her as he looked to the stranger. 

"This is Leah, my girlfriend." She said, voice a little nervous as Alex gave her a hug too, taking the new girl by surprise. 

"Nice to meet you Leah," Alex said, sitting back down on the sofa and moving the guitar so the two girls could join him. Leah seemed nervous as Taylor began chatting away, catching him up on her life since they'd last seen each other some three years ago when Taylor had just finished her GCSEs. But now, she was a woman, and a confident one at that. Her once brown hair was bleach blonde and made her look even paler than before, septum pierced and a scattering of tattoos all over her arms. Leah seemed almost too normal for the reckless young woman had become, but they were two years strong and Alex could tell that Taylor was madly in love with her. 

"Come on, we're going for a walk." Penny called to the three of them an hour later, Alex going to his room to grab his trainers he'd kept well hidden at the bottom of his wardrobe to be sure James didn't steal them again. He rolled three cigarettes and went back to join his family who were on the lawn outside, offering Taylor and Leah one each before lighting his own, the three of them hanging back from the rest of their large family, uncle Geoff and their grandmother now having joined them, the small army of children running about with James leading them down towards the swimming pool and entertainment complex. Blowing smoke above him, Alex wondered for a moment if he’d be able to get a glimpse of Miles whilst he led the water aerobics session, getting a look of him all damp and tousled. Alex frowned at the thought; his hormones really were getting the better of him. Taylor had noticed her cousin was lost in his own faults and kicked stones at him, a puff of sandy smoke at her feet. Alex glared, and brought his cigarette to his lips. 

“Wha’ were that for?” He asked, taping the ash away as they reached the outside of the entertainment complex, Lily desperately trying to drag Penny inside. The three of them loitered a way from their families to finish their cigarettes.

“You, getting all daydreamy, ignoring what I was talking ‘bout.” She pouted, stubbing her cigarette out in the grate above the bin. Alex was feeling the effects of the nicotine, a little spacy as he followed suit and Leah joined them. 

“Just lad thoughts, you know what I mean.” Taylor groaned and rolled her eyes, Alex laughing as they went to join their families, filtering through to the entertainment complex with Alex trying to keep his eye on his siblings as they ran towards one of the games machines. Alex followed them, getting a pound’s worth of 1ps from the machine and giving them to Lily as the two youngsters began to feed the coins through the slots in the table fruitlessly. Alex leant on the machine beside them, keeping a close watch and guiding Lily on when the right time to put the coins in was so they didn’t double up. He’d watched enough Tipping Point to know the exact strategy. 

Laughter and excitement was wavering all around him, and Alex was smiling at the sight. Taylor and Leah had just emerged from the photo-booth, his parents on the Deal or no Deal machine, Grandma already sporting a necklace of little yellow tokens they had won for her, the kids on the claw machine. It felt a lot like he was fifteen years younger and on a similar family holiday for the first time, the excitement of all the sparkly games machines and the sound of Kids Bopz powering through the sound system making it like heaven for a seven year old. Knowing that Taylor and Leah were here, though, it made him optimistic that they would be able to spend a few nights down at the beach smoking and drinking, away from the screaming kids and the always annoying adults. His trance was knocked by Lily and James squealing as a copper avalanche fell from the machine, the two dancing about happily as Alex reached down to fish the coppers from the tray at the bottom of the machine, pouring them into the pot and handing it back to Lily, whacking his head on the bottom of the machine as he stood, James bursting into laughter as his brother held the back of his head and swore, chewing his lip as he sat down on the floor, the pain racing through him as he shut his eyes and tried his best not to cry, fingers rubbing the back of his head as his mum crouched beside him, having heard the thwack of his head against the machine.

“Oh Ally, you clumsy thing.” She sighed, rubbing her son’s head as he opened his eyes, dizzy and seeing stars. “Okay?” Penny asked and Alex nodded, accepting his dad’s hand as he stood up with a groan, as white as a sheet as he leant against the same machine, James and Lily slipping coins into the machine like nothing had happened whilst Penny fished painkillers from her bag. The commotion had clearly caught the attention of a few workers as they approached, checking Alex was ok. Thankfully, Miles wasn’t with them because he was sure he would have fainted in embarrassment if that had been the case. He mentally slapped himself and sighed; Miles was in no way his type, but there was just something about him, the rough scouse accent, the fluffy hair, the goofy grin, those legs… It didn’t help he’d thought about Miles as he’d climaxed a few hours before, swearing to himself the second cum smattered his chest, perplexed by why, out of all the handsome men he had to think about, it was a man in a polo-shirt and sensible shoes.

An hour later they were walking back to the caravan, Alex’s head still throbbing in pain and the sound of his cousins crying wasn’t helping. He needed some sleep before dinner, there already a plan to go and watch the evening’s entertainment and have some drinks at the bar and he was looking forward to catching up with his family over a few pints. At least he would be able to have some peace with the kids being looked over by the childminder and be able to have a decent conversation with his uncles and aunts. Perhaps he’d be able to bump into Miles too... He groaned to himself as they reached the caravan and he slammed his bedroom door behind him. He all but fell face first onto the small bed and shut his eyes, nestling his head into the pillow and sighing a pitiful sound. He could hear Lily and James playing around in the lounge, jumping about has his parents watched and laughed, the sound of them pounding steps lulling him to sleep.

It was eight when Alex emerged from his room, sleepy and hungry. There was still pasta on the stove for him and he scooped it into a bowl, stabbing it as he sat on the sofa. His family were meeting at half six so they were long gone, but he would head down and try to find them anyway. He finished up the last of his dinner and put the bowl in the sink with the other dishes and went to brush his teeth, trying to smooth the creases in his shirt out with his hands before grabbing his shoes and slipping into them, heading out the door to the sound of his cousins crying in the caravan over. He ignored it and headed down the road to the complex, checking his phone and replying to Alexa’s crisis essay about her boyfriend, heading to the large theatre to find his family. They were the rowdy group in the far corner, Alex already questioning where the glitter in his mum and Taylor’s hair had come from, his dad and uncle pissed and grandma happily laughing along to the chaos around her. They were in the middle of a bingo night, and Alex was more than sure no one around them was appreciating the noise. 

He greeted his grandma with a kiss and went to the bar to order a round of drinks, the tray wobbling as it was placed back on the table, Alex grabbing a chair and his Peroni as he sat down with his family, looking to the stage for the first time and smiling at the sight before him. Miles and one of his colleagues were announcing the numbers in their matching red suits, Miles making a joke out of every number that rocked a chorus of laughter across the room. Alex smiled in response, looking at the bingo card his mum had handed him and blocking each number out till, to his surprise, his entire sheet was blocked out. He raised his hand and wafted his paper in the air, his family cheering and yelling BINGO with far too much enthusiasm.

Miles left the stage and jogged up towards him, Alex suddenly fiddling with his hair as the other lad approached, his pace slowing as he approached Alex. 

“Alreet then, let’s check this out.” He said into his microphone, taking the paper from Alex and casting his eyes over it before smiling at Alex. “Perfect, we have a winner of our fifth and final round this evening!” Miles announced, making the crowd cheer as Alex smiled and looked at his ticket. “And you’ve won £100, don’t spend it all at once. Unless you fancy spending some on me.” Miles said with a wink, handing the £20 notes to him. Alex’s lips quirked.

“Who knows, Miles.” He said as he pocketed the money and sat down, the theme music playing as Miles and the woman said goodnight and the game machine was dragged away. Alex smiled, chuffed at his winnings, and drag some more of his beer, Taylor making some comment about how fit Miles was, and Alex gave her a cautious glare. 

“Oh hello, someone’s got a crush.” Taylor teased with a grin and Alex rolled his eyes. “About time you settled down and got someone eh.” Alex swatted Taylor across the table and she cackled a laugh as Alex downed the rest of his beer, going to the bar to get another with his winnings. His face softened when he noticed Miles at the other end of the bar talking to a family who were laughing happily and their children grinning and sipping from their oversized bottles of cola. Alex ordered himself a pint and tapped his card against the bar, head on the bar mats as he felt someone approach. 

“Congratulations.” The scouse accent said and Alex turned to smile at Miles as he leant against the bar. “A very worthy winner I’d say, that family of yours seems a right riot.” He added as the barman placed Alex’s pint down in front of him.

“They aint bad, first time we’ve all been together in a while like so just having some fun.” He added and Miles nodded. “Can I get you a drink, or are you still working?” He asked and Miles went to speak then hesitated. 

“Yeah, I think I can manage a drink.” He said, turning to the barman and ordering half a pint, Alex tapping his card against the machine and then smiling at Miles. “Now, do I finally get to know your name?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, sitting on one of the bar stools and Alex joining him. 

“Alex, I forget I don’t get the honour of wearing a little name badge everywhere I go.” He teased and Miles laughed, rolling his eyes as his drink was placed down. “Quite the distance from Liverpool this though, how’d you wind yourself up ‘ere?”

“Ah, I went to Uni in Bristol and just decided to stay down here. Did a tourism degree and there’s loads of places this way to work. Plus I get to be away from my family which has its perks.” He chuckled and picked up his drink. “Take it it’s some big celebration for you then?” He asked. Alex nodded and gave him a small smile. 

"Yeah, it's me grandma's birthday so we've managed to round up everyone have a big old party and that." He said, sipping his beer as Miles did the same. “Not till Wednesday so have tomorrow to plan and get all the decorations together and sort it all.” He continued, then biting his lip as he looked up at Miles who was smiling warmly as he listened to Alex speak, his face soft. 

“Well, just let me know if there’s anything we can do. I’m sure a big ol’ happy birthday singalong can be arranged, especially if it’s a big birthday.” He said, pulling at the collar of his shirt and undoing the few top buttons. Alex’s breath caught in his throat. “You’ve chosen the perfect place for it, nothing better than a cheap break in a caravan with too few pillows.” He teased and Alex chuckled, Miles’ lips a wide grin. “Nah, all about the company isn’t it.” He chuckled, leaning against the bar. 

“You betcha, they’re a strange mix but me and my cousin get on pretty well so nice to spend time with her and ‘er girlfriend.” He shrugged, looking over his shoulder to where his family sat laughing and smiling with each other. “Nice to get away from my mates up north and all that too.” He said mindlessly, Miles smiling and tilting his head.

“Not quite the party scene you’d hoped?” He questioned and Alex grinned.

“No, far from it to be honest. Nice to have the time away from it, have a chill n’ that… All my mates are at Leeds fest, that new extended thing they got to make up for missing it last year… Ah well. Family and all that.” He said with a smile and Miles smiled back, Alex’s stomach feeling a little tight at the look. 

“Yeah, tried to get the time off to go to it, loads of my friends from home are at it, sending me pics and videos.” He sighed and sipped his drink, chewing on his lip. “Still, always next year.” He sighed and looked over his shoulder where the entertainment was starting again, a night of karaoke on the cards. “You seem like you’d be a decent singer, should give it a go.” He suggested, nodding to the stage. 

“Not sure this lot are really ones to know The Strokes.” He chuckled, looking around the room.

“Well, I do. Is that enough?” Miles said, Alex looking back to him and licking his bottom lip. Miles smiled softly at the sight, eyes on Alex’s lips. “I’ll even duet Take It Or Leave It with you.” He added and Alex laughed.

“Well, we’ll see how many more pints I can get in me, otherwise I’m sure we can have our own karaoke session. My guitar is back at the caravan.” He said and Miles raised a brow. The idea of singing with Miles was hilarious; he was sure the rep would have quite the sing song attitude towards every song, not quite the grit and tones he and the band were working with. But Miles had surprised him before, he was nowhere near as camp and extravagant as he’d been expecting, not quite Julian Clary in Crocs as he’d expected. But Miles being into the same kind of music as he was? Surely the lives of a kids entertainer and a wannabe rockstar rarely intertwined in such a way. Alex reminded himself to stop being quite so judgemental and looked back at Miles. He did have the look to him, Alex supposed, a proper Fred Perry lad from Liverpool that almost definitely was forced to have McCartney-esk trim growing up. 

“I could get behind that.” Miles smiled with a nod. “Sure we can find enough songs in common to have a decent sing-a-long… I could bring my leccy.” He suggested and Alex nodded, watching Miles finish his drink. “Anyway, I should get back to work. Manning the gift shop till eleven… I’ll probably go for a smoke after if you’re about.” Miles added as he stood and Alex nodded with a smile. 

“We’ll see, yeah?” He smiled and Miles nodded. 

“Alright, an’ I hope your head’s alright now… Hannah told me there was CCTV gold and, well…” Miles laughed to himself and Alex groaned, giving him a wave as he headed off for his next shift. Alex went back to his family and sat down, already ready for the bombardment of questions about the dashing young chap he had been sharing a drink with. Alex just blanked them all and got his phone out, texting Alexa and rubbing the tender spot on the back of his head.

They bundled out of the clubhouse just after eleven, all several pints in and Alex with his arms around Taylor as they laughed along to something his Dad was shouting about, the cousins stumbling about one the grass whilst Leah, who had stuck to the J2Os, watched on with a smile and shake of her head. Alex remembered the time and his eyes went wide, letting go of Taylor and letting Leah take his place.

“I’ll catch yous up.” He called and started walking in the other direction in the vague direction of where he figured Miles would be. He found him sat on the grass outside the back fire exit, shirt almost fully unbuttoned as he smoked, the smell hitting Alex first as he approached and sat down beside miles, laying back onto the grass. 

“Well hello,” Miles smiled, looking down at Alex. “Someone’s had a good night eh?” He teased and Alex groaned, looking up at him. He reached his fingers out and pinched the joint from Miles, blowing the thick white smoke up into the sky. 

“Sure you can improve an already lovely day.” Alex said as Miles laid beside him and looked up at the clear sky, stars scattering the darkness. “You’re awfully perky aren’t you.” Alex said, words trailing through the air. Miles turned to look at him.

“Perky?” He laughed and Alex nodded, turning to look at him. “Well, I enjoy my job, have some good friends, get to finish the day with a joint and a pint with a handsome stranger… Not got nothing to be gloomy about.” He shrugged and Alex couldn’t help but smile as he had another drag from the joint and passed it back to Miles.

“Well, I suppose…” He chuckled and rolled onto his side so the two were looking at each other. “Who was your realisation?” 

“Huh?”

“What guy made you realise you were gay?” Miles laughed and took the joint from Alex, thinking for a moment.

“Oh I dunno, prolly like that guy from One Direction. The one that’s proper Yorkshire like. Saw him on X Factor when I was… what, twelve? Didn’t really think about it till I saw him and what a great arse he has.” He laughed and Alex smiled, vaguely knowing who Miles was talking about. “Go on then, what about you?”

“I was fifteen, and there was this kid in my class called Matt. We’d been best friends ever since we started school and one day we were talking about these girls what were in our year and how the lads fancied them and the like, Matt was dating one of them, and I didn’t really care much for them, not really much for any ofthe girls in my year, and then Matt turns around and says I must be gay if I don’t fancy any of ‘em. I was the only one who’d never had a girlfriend, you see. And I thought about it. And I realised that no straight guy fancied the lad from The Vaccines. So I rang Matt and I told him. And now we’re in a band.” Alex rambled and Miles listened with a smile, chewing his lip as Alex spoke.

“You make mine sound far less profound.” He laughed and Alex reached to rest a hand on Miles’ waist. “You’re into Vaccines then, they ain’t half bad.” He said with a smile and Alex scoffed.

“Nah, I just wanted to shag the lead singer. And I did. Full circle.” Miles raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Manchester’s gay scene is unrivalled. My best mate is a model and we went to some VIP party thing and he was there. You know how drunk nights can end.” He chuckled and Miles nodded with a laugh. “Was more him shagging me but, same difference innit.” He grinned and Miles laughed, nodding.

“I’ll toast to that.” He said, having a drag of the joint and looking into Alex’s eyes. “You’ve lived quite the life already, I can just tell.” He smiled, letting out a soft sigh. “But I can’t say Bristol’s gay scene was anywhere near as good. Less gay bars, more... gay brutality,” He grimmanced and Alex frowned. “Not to ruin it for you.” 

Alex looked at him, and knew that Miles had lived a life far different to his. He wanted to know more, he wanted to know everything. In that moment, he was trapped in the enigma that was Miles. The setting was something he’d not felt since he was a fresher, drunk and high, getting to know a stranger and trying his best to think about anything but the feeling of those plump lips on him, betting Miles would taste like smoke and mint. He knew he needed to calm down his swimming brain, tame it so he could have a conversation with another homosexual without wanting to immediately mount him. 

“No, no, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. ‘ave been privileged enough that everyone has always been supportive.” Alex frowned to himself, knowing he had to change the topic of conversation before he upset Miles. “Why tourism? That image of the American dream, escapism and adventure?” He asked and Miles laughed loudly.

“Honestly, I just like looking after kids, and I went to drama school when I was growing up. I had imagined something abroad but Somerset can be just as nice as Sicily.” He said and Alex snored.

“You’ve clearly never been to Sicily if you think this place.” He drew a grand circle in the air with his arm. “Compares to the great romantic Italian riviera.” He grinned and Miles smiled back at him.

“Well, I suppose i’ll have to have someone take me some time, unless that was your offer?” He asked and Alex gave him a look, a smirk on his face.

“I tend to leave the grand romantic gestures till the third date.” He shrugged and Miles laughed. “Depends how far you get up the pecking order of lovers.” He added and bopped the end of Miles’ nose, making him raise his eyebrows in surprise. Alex, clearly, was confused by his own action too as he stared at his hand and then back to Miles several times before the two laughed. 

“Well, if it’s a trip to Sicily on the cards I guess I’d better give it a good go.” Miles figured, killing the sudden awkward silence that had Alex momentarily created after thinking he’d come across as a total weirdo. Alex just beamed at him.

How, that morning, had looked at Miles and not been the slightest bit interested in laying face to face with him, he didn’t know. Perhaps he had too stereotypical a standard, his vanity so high that the thought of being seen with someone like Miles, someone seemily down to earth and nice, rather than some coke-fueled banker was preposterous. Alex put his lack of real relationships down to that, his vanity dragging him back to people who had the same fuck and chuck logic he thought was cool. Perhaps he needed someone more laid back and chilled, someone more like Miles… Oh who was he kidding; he’d known the man for a handful of hours and drunk him was already feeling like that? He simply wouldn’t have it.

“I look forward to you trying.” Alex said, pinching the joint and having a drag before sitting up. “I should probably head back, not keep the family up, worried I’ve gotten lost.” He said, slowly standing and stumbling slightly until he became steady, arms slightly spread and a frown of concentration on his face. Miles stood and gave him a smile, kicking the joint out. 

“Let me walk you back, make sure you don’t fall over and give your head another wack.” He joked and Alex rolled his eyes, smiling at him and then nodding. Miles wrapped an arm around his waist and the two slowly walked in the direction of Alex’s caravan. There was a faint crying coming from one of the caravans as they passed, the lights on and a very disgruntled child inside. 

“It really hurt when I hit my head, ya know.” Alex said, kicking at the pebbles they were walking at. Miles chuckled and looked at him, giving Alex’s short hair a ruffle. 

“Oh I bet it did, but it was rather funny.” Miles grinned at Alex who just gave him a reluctant smile. “Send it to you’ve been framed, get my £250.” He added and Alex whacked his chest with the back of his hand, making Miles cackle a laugh. “Aight, I would give you a cut of the money… Any thoughts on what you’re going to spend your bingo winnings on?” He asked and Alex hummed, having forgotten about the £100 in his back pocket.

“Probably get something for Grandma, put it towards the meal maybe.” He decided. “And on plenty more drinks for the two of us over the next few days, I’m sure.” Alex added with a grin and Miles smiled back at him, the two then realising they were standing in front of Alex’s caravan. 

“Well, I sure hope so.” Miles said as they reached the front door. “Thanks for keeping me company, Alex. Sleep well.” He said, moving his arm from Alex’s waist.

“Pft, don’t thank me. I’ll see you tomorrow, I hope.” He said, the two stood incredibly close to each other. Alex could just lean forward and kiss him, put a hand on his hip, let Mile hold him close. Before he could act on his thoughts, Miles was walking away, hands in his pockets and whistling to himself, not looking back at Alex until he was back inside the caravan.


	2. ii

Alex started the morning by going for a run with Taylor, the two of them doing a short 5k around the park and stopping off at the corner shop for croissants and pain au chocolates for their families. They raced back, Taylor cheering when she reached her caravan first disappearing as Alex reached his, heading inside to the ruckus of his family. He set their breakfast down on the dining table and disappeared for a shower, returning wearing his Adidas tracksuit a few minutes later, all bar a slightly burnt croissant eaten, his family moved to the sofa watching the breakfast news. He rolled his eyes and sat down at the table, eating his breakfast in silence. James was yelling something about how he wanted to hire a go-kart and go around the site for the day. His parents were immediate to say no to the idea, Alex just sniggering and heading to his room. He laid on the bed and rang Alexa, it was when it rang out for the second time he gave up and grabbed his notebook from the bedside table, leafing through the poems and lyrics inside until he came across one that he didn’t remember writing. It was dated as the night before and his eyes ran over the words.

_Affection to rent, the age of the understatement, before this attraction ferments, kiss me properly and pull me apart._

It was messy handwriting and it was hard for him to make out, but he smiled to himself nonetheless. He had a vague memory of returning to the caravan and writing something in his hazy state, but he couldn’t even remember the tune for it. He disturbed his family and grabbed his guitar from where it had been moved to the corner between the sofas, going back to his bedroom and strumming a vague tune, singing the words over and over again until something sounded right. It didn't take long for him to have a verse composed, his flow of thoughts ruined by Lily barging in and telling him they were all going swimming and then down to the town for lunch. Alex changed, swimming trunks under his trackies and a white vest on, following his family down to the pool with a towel slung over his shoulder. 

He slipped out the changing rooms and joined back up with Taylor and Leah, in matching black bikinis, neither of them giving a second look to the metal bars in Alex’s nipples, instead going out to the outdoor pool and hopping into the shallow end, helping their families get the kids into the water. It wasn’t until Daisy had been gently placed into her rubber ring, armbands ready to burst, he looked over to the lifeguard. Miles sat shirtless, towel around his neck and swim shorts sopping wet, his hair sticking to his forehead, whistle loosely held in his hand as he watched the kids swim about. Alex’s breath caught in his throat at the sight, not sure how to take in the sight.

“You alright Ally?” His mum asked, following his gaze up to the scouser. “Ah.” She chuckled, giving her son a wink. “Nothing like a little holiday romance.” She teased, Alex rolling his eyes and making his way over to his siblings who were splashing each other. 

“Oi come on,” Alex huffed, trying to separate the two before James had the chance to try and drown his sister. He really was a little psycho. “How about I teach you both how to dive?” He suggested to the two and they nodded excitedly. Alex swam behind them over to the deserted diving area, helping them out and taking them up to the little board. “Right, all you have to do is walk to the end of the board.” He demonstrated by taking a few steps along the springy blue plastic. “Make your arms into a fin.” He squished his ears with his biceps, hands above his head and fingers a sharp point. “Little bend in the knees and jump.” He left the board and perfectly dived into the water, a small splash following him before he resurfaced and smiled at his brother and sister. 

Alex had been a keen swimmer whilst at school, representing Yorkshire a few times, his butterfly unrivalled. But Lily and James looked terrified, still stood on the poolside as Alex climbed out, swishing his fringe from his face.

“That looks hard.” Frowned Lily, trying to make the fin above her head. “I don’t think I can do it, Ally.” She pouted and looked up at him. James seemed just as confused. 

“Here, put your toes on the edge.” He curled his toes over the edge of the pool. “And put your arms above your head.” They mimicked his actions. “Just lean forward and tip into the water.” They did, both belly-flopping into the water and making Alex cringe. They reemerged, frantically doggy paddling in the deep water, Alex taking their hands to help them out. “Hmm, maybe we’ll leave that for now.” He mumbled as they clambered out, both panting and clearly no longer interested in learning to dive like their brother. Alex looked across the pool to where his family were happily playing catch at the other end, walking the two youngsters over to them.

“Alex,” He heard a voice call as they walked past the lifeguard chair. Alex directed Lily and James to their parents and then looked up at Miles who was climbing down, giving him a smile. “You’re a decent diver, I’ve got to say, but probably best you don’t let your, er, the little ones do that when it’s not kids swim time cause you’re not really meant to.” Miles said, Alex taking in what he was saying but also somewhat distracted by the jut of his collar bones and the incredible sculpture of his body. “Anyone but me and you’d be kicked out.” He mumbled and Alex bit his lip.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise, just getting a bit carried away with them.” Alex said with an awkward laugh and scratched his beard. “Be on my best behaviour from now on.” He hummed and Miles chuckled. 

“I’ll hold you to that.” Chuckled Miles, looking out across the pool. “I’m over hosting the snooker contest this afternoon if you’re that way inclined… Would be nice to have a play and see how good you are with your balls.” Miles whispered with a grin, the two chuckling, a blush forming on Alex’s cheeks. 

“I’m sure there’s other ways of me being able to show you that.” He teased and Miles bit his lip, a pink tinge forming on his cheeks. They looked to each other for a moment, Alex’s mind racing back to the night before, laying face to face with Miles in the grass and so close to kissing him, his gut telling him not to do it, dragging him away from temptation with both hands and thrusting into cold water. And now, speaking like this, Miles inviting Alex to spend time with him… 

“I should get back to work, make sure no kiddies drown themselves and the like.” Miles said after an apt amount of silence and Alex nodded, giving him a smile and heading back to his family, getting into the pool and giving Miles a look over his shoulder, the two smiling before Alex joined in with their game of catch.

Four hours later, full to the brim with fish and chips, a 99 clutched in each of their hands, the family returned to their caravans. Alex, Taylor and Leah stayed back, laughing and smoking as they ate their ice creams and sat down on the lawn outside their caravans. Alex checked his watch after a final drag of his cigarette and then licked his ice cream. 

“I should go.” Alex said, standing and dusting off his trousers. “I have a possible date with a rather handsome red coat.” He said and both Taylor and Leah ‘oohing as he kicked gravel at them and headed back towards the clubhouse, finishing his ice cream on the short walk. He headed inside and to the pool tables at the far end, a few people milling about and Miles sat at the far end of the table with a pencil behind his ear. Alex smiled as he approached, sitting beside him. “Who’s winning?” Asked Alex, making Miles jump. He checked the sheet on his clipboard.

“Louise, the girl with the fringe over there.” He nodded to the group of women in bright tops who were laughing and drinking cocktails. “Won all three of her games so far, only one left to play.” He said and leant back, looking at Alex. Miles was back in his blue polo and waterproof trousers, a pair of squeak clean trainers on his feet. “How’s your stay finding you so far? Been up to anything nice today?” He asked, using the same dry chat as he did with all of the guests.

“Went to a chippy for lunch and had a little browse of town,” Alex said with a shrug, showing Miles the multicoloured threat bracelet that was now on his wrist. “We all bought one of these to remind us of what a great holiday it’s going to be.” He chuckled and Miles smiled at him, then holding his wrist next to Alex’s and showing off his mess of tangled bracelets.

“Most of mine are bought as thank you presents.” He chuckled. “But me and my mates have these black ones.” He tugged at the one that was loose from the others. “They’re like them shag bands you used to have at school.” He chuckled and Alex smiled at him, fondly remembering the day Matt presented him with an impossibly rare gold band on his 14th birthday. it was broken by their head boy at a house party three years later, and Alex was sure to abide by the rules of the band.

“They were a weird time.” He laughed and gave miles a smile. “A secret stash of black bands for house parties, just cause.” He smirked at the memories and then looked back to Miles who he could tell was looking at him with that same, soft smile lighting up his face. “But no, it’s been a really nice day all in all. I’m knackered, been up since seven.” He complained and Miles laughed.

“Half five till midnight for me today, you should count yourself lucky.” He huffed and Alex rose his eyebrows. “Just a day in the life of a rep.” He chuckled as the eight ball was finally potted and the teams changed over, Miles resetting the table and then sitting back down beside Alex. “We could have a repeat of last night if you fancied it? It was nice not to smoke alone for once.” Almost too enthusiastically, Alex nodded.

“Yeah, yeah that would be really nice. I’ll bring my own stuff though, don’t wanna be nabbing yours cause I bet it’s proper expensive down south.” Alex chuckled and Miles just shrugged, smiling at him.

“A joint isn’t gunna break the bank, Alex.” Miles laughed, and Alex was already madly in love with the way his name sounded in the thick scouse accent. It had a velvety purr to it, and Alex wondered what it would sound like in the heat of the moment, coddled by bed sheets and uncaring about anything else. His eyes met with Miles’, and he chewed his lip. “Honest, unless you’re stuff is better quality.” He chuckled and Alex shook his head, smiling at him.

“Nah, well, if you’re sure.” Miles nodded harshly and it was enough to convince Alex. “Alright then.” He smiled and watched the girl stood at the table pot three of her balls in a row. “Christ,” He chuckled, eyes on the cue ball as it bounced around the table and pocketed yet another blue ball. “Safe to say this isn’t going to take long to finish.” Miles sniggered to himself.

“Hope that’s the last time I hear that come from you.” He whispered, standing and watching Louise pot the rest of the balls without a single missed shot, her competitor stood dumbstruck at the sight. Alex was too dumbstruck, only by Miles’ remark. He chuckled to himself, watching as Miles gave Louise her little plastic trophy and certificate, the gaggle of competitors leaving quickly. 

Alex kept his eyes on Miles as he filled in paperwork, checking his watch every other second and then picked up the forms. 

“I need to dash,” He said and Alex immediately frowned. “Sorry, I've got kids club and then I'm doing entertainment all night again. Mr and Mrs, it’s always a good laugh.” He held the forms to his chest as Alex stood. “But I’ll see you tonight? Back at the place from last night?” He asked hopefully and Alex nodded. “Fantastic, well, I’ll see you later.”

“I look forward to it, Miles.” He said before the scouser dashed off towards the swimming pool, Alex sitting back down and rubbing the back of his neck, getting his phone from his pocket and staring at the screen. He pressed a few buttons and held it to his ear. “Ello love… I think I’ve got something I need to talk to you about.”

Stepping back into the caravan two hours after he’d left his family, tea was already on the dining table waiting for him. He sat next to his dad and fished out a handful of blueberries from the punnet and popped them in once by one whilst listening to Lily and his mum’s conversation about if she’d be able to get breakfast with Bradley Bear in the morning. They had arranged a family breakfast in the restaurant, complete with company mascots for the kids and, if Alex was lucky, a couple of bottles of champagne to kick start the morning. 

“I’m sure he’ll be there, Lil. They’ll all be there! You can get your book signed by then, can’t you.” Penny said with a smile as she placed the bread on the table and sat down. “What have you been up to Al? Taylor did you were off to see that chap of yours.” His mother asked as Alex grabbed a slice of tiger bread from the middle of the table.

“Yeah, went and watched the pool tournament and then I went for a wander and rang Alexa.” He said simply, smothering the bread in butter. “She’s broke up with Jamie. So that’s something to look forward to going back to.” He grimaced and then bit into his bread. “She’s alright though, enjoying the festival and that.” 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” His dad scalded and Alex raised his hands defensively. “That’s a shame, they seemed so happy.” He added and Alex hummed. He wasn’t sure that two years of Jamie cheating on her quite constituted a happy relationship, but it wasn’t like his father hadn’t treated his mother in the same way when Alex was young. 

They had never had the best relationship. Whilst Darren wasn’t his blood father, he’d been in his mother’s life since he was two. They were fairly happily married, but Alex had never met eye to eye with him. There had been remarks when he came out, whilst Penny hugged her son and assured him that he was loved no matter what, Darren had been silent and seething, drunkenly calling him a bum boy at his sister’s wedding two years later. By heart, all of the kids loved their mother more, and Alex knew it pissed Darren off immensely, so he ensured that both James and Lily made it clear who their favourite was. At times he was surprised he hasn’t been throttled in his sleep.

“It’ll sort itself out.” Alex said, standing and putting his plate in the sink before going through to the bathroom to have a shower. His hair still felt tacky from the chlorine after their morning of swimming, the crappy showered within the complex doing nothing but getting the smell from him. He locked the door and stripped off, taking a few moments to check himself out in the mirror. His beard was a little fuller than normal, slowly creeping down his neck and his moustache far longer than he’d realised. He would sort it out after his shower. 

He gently took out his piercings and turned on the hot water, grabbing a towel from the radiator and placing it within immediate reach, before stepping under the tepid water. He was never one for long showers, happy to wash and then hop straight out again. But he felt a little different in that moment, shutting his eyes and letting his mind wander back to his chat with Alexa. He’d told her about Miles, obviously, and she was enthusiastic and rather forceful that Alex went all the way with him. Still a little hesitant, and rather unwilling to develop feelings for someone he would probably never see again after Friday, he mulled things over. _It’s in no way different to shagging someone on a night out, is it? I’ve been attached to one night stands before._ Alexa had reminded him. _But this feels different, he’s nice an’ he’s normal. Proper down to earth._ Alex had argued, the two deciding that Alex would go with the flow of things. _You’ve always wanted to move somewhere quiet so you can get on with your books._ Alexa has reminded him, but the idea of him up routing and moving to quiet and silent Somerset was rather ridiculous, but he understood the sentiment.

Washing his hair, he thought about the song he had been writing that morning, humming the tune and a garble of possible lyrics joining them as he washed out the shampoo and lathered himself in body wash. He was close to the right lyrics, but none of them sounded quite right. He stepped out the shower and wrapped the towel around him, cracking the window open and then standing in front of the mirror, first putting his nipple bars back in, and then getting his razor and shaving foam from his wash bag. He lathered his chin up and, ever so gently, ran it along his skin. As his confidence grew, he shaved the left side of his face, upper lip gentle and his face contoured in a bizarre way that allowed him to reach every last hair, before moving to the right side of his face. One, short shave followed by another, followed by. 

“ALEX.” A shriek and a slam at the door made him jump and nick the skin on his cheek.

“Fucking fuck, you little shit brother fuck.” Blood was already trickling down his cheek, tainting the shaving foam red. He groaned, ignoring the thumps at the door, and washed it off, leaving him with a massive path of beard left unshaven and blood running down his face. He wadded up some toilet roll and held it to his face, finally swinging the door open and looking at James.

“What? What’s the matter?” He snapped, James’ smile dropping immediately at his big brother’s tone. He slumped and then pointed in the general direction of the living room. Alex poked his head around the door and looked to where James was pointing. It was as boring as Alex had expected; there was a bee. A damn bee had been the cause of Alex cutting his face. As they watched the bee fly out the open window, Alex was almost certain he could murder James. He didn’t say anything else to his brother, just slammed the bathroom door shut again and finished shaving.

Thankfully, the cut wasn’t so bad, only half a centimetre of flaming red skin across his cheek, just below his dimple. But it was obvious; incredibly obvious. Now everyone would know what a clumsy sod he was, let alone following the games machine yesterday. He moisturised and then went across the hall to his room, skinny jeans and vest on, cologne strayed over him. He looked presentable enough, his damp hair a little unruly as he headed back to the living space, James hunched into the corner of the sofa with his mum dressed to the nines, Lily and their dad dancing around to the radio.

“Am ready.” Said Alex, the four of them turning to look at him. “Mr and Mrs tonight, you two should do it.” He said, sitting down to put his trainers on. Penny laughed.

“Oh we’d be terrible, you know how competitive we can get.” She chuckled and Alex smiled at her. “But I suppose that’s what makes it entertaining.” She added, looking across to Darren who was humming in thought.

“It would definitely be a laugh.” He decided, lifting up Lily and twirling her about. Once Alex’s laces were tied, the family left and knocked on the caravan next door, Taylor and her parents happily greeting them as the kids ran out two-by-two. 

“Oh ‘ello, Mr clumsy strikes again.” Taylor laughed when she saw her cousin, Alex rolling his eyes. 

“It was James’ fault; made me jump whilst I was shaving.” He tutted, and Taylor laughed, the sound light and airy. 

“Whatever you say, whatever you say.” 

After a few rounds of drinks, the kids on the dance floor grooving to Steps, Alex was feeling far less stressed than he had been. His face had calmed down and mind far from Miles, who was dancing around with the kids happily. Just because he liked him, quite a lot at that, it didn’t have to mean anything. There were plenty of men he liked back in Manchester, but at least Miles seemed to like him back. He smiled as the rim of his pint glass to his lips, time ticking into the twenty-first hour of the day and the lights in the room dimming. There was an ‘ooh’ from the crowd and Miles, along with one of his co-workers, took to the stage and the crowd began to cheer. 

“Tonight we are looking for four couples to come up and play for the chance to win £200!” Miles exclaimed and the crowd cheered. “If you fancy a chance of playing, come down to the dance floor and show us your best moves.” Happy by Pharell began to play and, before Alex could urk his family on, his mum and dad were making their way to the dance floor, behind Lisa and her husband. With a laugh, Taylor and Leah ran down to join them, Alex sat at the table with a grin and a shake of the head, the kids toddling back to join him when they were booted from the dancefloor by the vast number of couples who had taken over their space. Daisy struggled onto his lap and Alex bounced her in time to the music, trying to keep an eye on his cousins who were dancing around the table. James too watched them, still miserable as he sipped his coke. 

The music finished and Alex looked back to the stage, smiling at his mum and dad who were still dancing about.

“Okay then, I think we have our couples.” Miles’ companion said as the scouser jumped onto the dancefloor and started to guide the lucky couples to the stage. Among them, to his delight, was his parents. Taylor and Leah arrived back first, Taylor lifted Lily onto her lap as they watched Miles talk to the couples. His mum and dad were last, an arm swung around Penny’s shoulder and a grin on their faces.

“And last up, we have…” Miles looked at his clipboard. Alex wondered if it was company policy for them to have one within reaching distance all the time; Miles sure seemed to love using his. It was leather and there was something embossed on it, a little rainbow sticker in the corner. “It’s Penny and Darren.” He said and the table around him cheered Alex adding a whoop to the end as his parents laughed happily at the enthusiasm from their family. “Now, where are you from and how long have you been together for?” 

“We’re from Sheffield, and we’ve been together twenty years in September,” Penny said with a smile. “We have three lovely kids.” Lily stood on the table and gave her parents an enthusiastic wave. “Alex, Lily, James. There they are.” She laughed, watching Alex pick Lily up and take her from the table, his eyes catching with Miles’ as he did so, the two sharing a smile. 

“Aren’t they lovely; seems you’ve got a big family over there!” He exclaimed, Penny unable to say anything else as music rang through the room. “And here we go, our first challenge,” Miles said as he slipped off-stage and returned with four brightly coloured bowls. “You have thirty seconds to fill this bowl with whatever you can. Most full bowl wins. Three.” Already, Alex and Taylor had picked up their drinks and were making their way towards the stage, ready to tip their drinks into the bowl. The knew how this game worked, having seen it many times before at various other holiday parks or overzealous bingo nights. As Miles said one, Penny shot down the stairs to them and the two emptied their glasses, it almost overflowing as Penny passed it back to Darren and it was placed in the middle of the table proudly. Miles laughed as he looked at the concoction, saying something to Darren that made him roar with laughter. Alex grinned at the sight and the two walked back to their group, sitting down and watching the bright lights flicker as the timer ran out. 

It was safe to say Penny and Darren were the favourites to win, enthusiastically changing a duvet cover to the point where Penny was inside the duvet and Alex was bent double in laughter. Then, when it was just the two of them stood on stage, Alex felt a little nervous for them. 

“All you have to do to win the money,” There was a pause. “Is tell us your anniversary.” There was a laugh from the audience and Alex sighed. Of course, they would know, even he knew it was the same day as Taylor’s birthday; the 20th September 2001. It didn’t take long for them to scribble the date down and, as Miles finished the countdown and they turned the boards around, cheering erupted and they’d won the money. Alex would insist on taking a cut, after all, he and Taylor had helped them win the first round. His parents were given a sash each and little crowns, £100 each before they returned to the table with a cheer. But Alex’s eyes were still on Miles as he wrapped the game up, a smile on his sweet face and a happy chirp to his voice. He disappeared behind the curtain as the music began and Alex headed to the bar to get a drink, hopeful that he would perhaps have a repeat of the night before and bump into him. But sadly he did not, ordering a pint of Stella and returning to his seat to congratulate his mum and dad with a tight squeeze. Lisa ferried the kids back to their caravan for the night, only the adults left. They decided to head to the adult’s bar, much to Alex’s dismay, knowing it would mean an evening without watching Miles prance about, but the entertainment didn’t seem much to his taste. 

Wasting time as a family, sat on one of the back tables with a pack of cards and years worth of gossip, the hours flew by and it was Wednesday before they knew it. They sang Grandma happy birthday through giggles and hiccups, before returning to their caravans. As was the night before, Alex slipped off to find Miles behind the clubhouse, seeing him leaning against the wall with a cigarette between his fingers. The two smiled at each other when Alex approached, Miles offering him the joint as they went and sat on the grass. It was easier than the night before, Alex far more sober and the throb at the back of his head gone, and as they sat in the darkness sharing the joint, Alex was certain he’d not felt so happy in a long time. 

“Your parents are adorable,” Miles said, leaning back with his pointy elbows digging into the grass. Alex laid on his side, head propped up with his hand as he looked at the scouser. “Not had a couple that funny in a long ol’ while.” He added and Alex smiled, blowing smoke over his shoulder. 

“They’re alright, I love my mum to bits.” He said, passing the joint to Miles. His face was sepia under the crackling light of the floodlights, the bulb flickering and teasing Alex by limiting the view he had of Miles, unable to take in the slight jagger of his nose or his deep hazel eyes for too long. They were silent for a little while, the floodlight distracting them both as they smoked, Miles standing and reaching his hand for Alex’s. Alex took it and stood, following Miles as they headed away from the caravans and towards the far end of the site, what Alex assumed was staff accommodation in front of them and a thick forest to their left. “Where we goin’?” Asked Alex, looking to Miles as he took the joint from him.

“Me den.” He chuckled as they reached the forest edge and went inside. “Promise I ain’t taking you here to murder ya.” He laughed, half a minute passing before they stopped. “Promise.” Miles laughed and kneel down, Alex frowning at the sudden loss of warmth from his fingertips, but gasping when fairy lights flicked on and showed up what seemed to be a log that was used as a bench, Miles laying a roll matt on the floor and then sitting down, inviting Alex to do the same. Alex sat, back against the log, and looked around.

“Bring all your fancy lads down here do ya?” He asked with a smile, looking across to Miles who looked back at him, taking Alex’s hand in his again. His lips curled into a smile and he shook his head. 

“No, and I sure don’t have any fancy lads these days.” He chuckled, eyes travelling over Alex for a moment. “Well, maybe I do now.” He whispered, giving Alex’s hand a squeeze. He slipped his hand into his pocket and produced another joint and his lighter, lighting it and keeping it between his lips, breathing in the smoke slowly and shutting his eyes, head lulling back against the log. He passed the join to Alex who took a slow drag and found himself in a similar position to Miles. 

“I’m certain you do.” Alex said, words travelling through the air with the smoke. He opened an eye and looked at Miles who was staring at him, the sound of their soft breathing and Alex’s hammering heart all that was audible. This felt different from the night before, and Alex knew that it was. He passed the joint to Miles and watched him take a drag and effortlessly blow rings of smoke out. Alex turned, the two face to face, and he couldn’t take the beating of his heart nor the voice at the back of his head anymore.

As the last of the smoke left his lips, Alex replaced it with his lips.

He was slow at first, Miles kissing back immediately and placing a hand on Alex’s cheek, tilting the join so not to burn his pale skin. It was all Alex imagined it would be; Miles’ lips were soft and keen, his force gentle and taste of liquorice and tobacco. It was as addictive as nicotine, and Alex never wanted to leave that moment, to stop the gentle tangle of their tongues, for the warmth of Miles’ hand on his face to dissipate. But it did, it had to, and Miles pulled away, lips wet with saliva, only to have another drag and pass the joint to Alex, whose jeans had grown uncomfortable. Under the yellow light, Alex could appreciate how truly beautiful Miles was. He cursed himself for having such a foul first impression because now there was little he wanted more than for those lips to meet his again. His stomach was fluttering, heart racing, and as he breathed in the sweet taste of the cannabis, it all felt _right._

Miles had moved, kneeling at Alex’s side, and he didn’t waste another second. He kissed him, lips moving like clockwork as they controlled the pace, slow to ravenous, tender to lustful. Every tug of lip and slip of tongue meant something to them, their own morse in the moonlight. 

Running his fingers along Miles’ high cheekbone and to his hair, Alex could think of nothing but a mesh of Miles, seeing him shirtless at the pool, his goofy smile the minute they first met, the pain that had been on his face when they had spoken the night before, the want on his face before he kissed him. All of it, every moment, seemed like the perfect collage, and Alex knew he was in deeper than he should be. 

“Alex,” Miles said softly, pulling away with a soft sigh. “I’m glad we met.” He whispered and Alex nodded, eyes still shut as he revelled in the moment. “Thank you,” Alex opened his eyes and looked at Miles. His pink lips glistened, and it was impossible for Alex to tear his eyes from them. “For not brushing me off and thinking me a prick.” Miles laughed, and Alex furrowed his brows, wrapping an arm around him and holding him close, offering him a final drag before the joint burnt his fingers. 

“Why’d I think that. Eh?” He asked, lips pressed to Miles’ temple. “You’re a love, I’d never think you a prick.” Miles turned and smiled at him, flicking the joint into the leaves and breathing out a final trail of smoke. “Now come ‘ere aye.” He laughed and kissed Miles again, a hand to his cheek as Alex moved to practically sit on Miles, the two making out for what felt like hours, Alex never wanting to leave. 

But he had to leave, he knew he did. Not just right now, but in three days time, when he would drive away from the holiday park with teary eyes, Miles in the rearview mirror in just as bad a state. His heart ached at the thought, and he pulled away from Miles, looking at him and gently cupping his cheek. Miles smiled, a smile that was different to normal, not the grin of a showman or the enthusiastic beam as he tried to cheer up a crying child. This smile was soft, crinkling the skin below his eyes and pupils dilated, it was caring and kind, full of care and genuine pleasure. Alex was sure it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. To think he would have to leave this place, this man, in such a short space of time, killed him. There was a sudden warmth to his cheek, and Miles’ face changed. His brows were raised in surprise and his thumb dragged along his cheekbone.

“Oh Alex.” His name had never sounded so beautiful. “Why are you crying?” Asked Miles, and Alex laughed shyly, shaking his head and then resting it upon Miles’ shoulder. He couldn’t be so plain with his words - Miles would be terrified by him revealing the reason why he was so upset. Even he, secretly, was disappointed in himself for feeling like this. “Alex? Talk to me, laa.” He whispered and Alex looked up at him, oak eyes glazed with tears. 

“Am just happy, like.” He chuckled and Miles laughed, kissing him again. “Proper happy.” He whispered and Miles pressed another tender kiss to his lips, mouths moving in sync and a hand running down Alex’s side. Alex pulled away. “Miles… I…” He stuttered, words coming to a standstill at the feeling of a forehead against his. “I should go, my parents are expecting me I guess.” He mumbled and Miles sighed sadly, nodding understandingly. 

“Yeah, that’s fair. I’ll walk you back. Tomorrow…” His words drifted off and he chewed his lip.

“I want to come back tomorrow and meet you.” He whispered, squeezing Miles’ hand. “I will, I promise.” He assured the other man and Miles nodded, helping him to stand up and the two embracing tightly. 

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“You can hold me to whatever you want to.” Alex grinned and Miles laughed, the same joyful cackle that sent butterflies cascading around Alex’s stomach. 

“Let’s get you back you dirty lad.” Miles grinned, giving Alex’s ass a playful slap before switching off the lights and taking his hand, leading him out the forest. His head was still dizzy from the drink and drugs, appreciating Miles’ hand in his as they emerged from the forest and headed back towards Alex’s caravan. 

“Didn’t realise the sky could be so clear,” Alex noted, making the two men pause and stare up at the dark sky, stars lighting it and the formations clear. “It’s beautiful.” He whispered and smiled, then looking to Miles. But Miles hadn’t been following his gaze, instead, he was looking back at Alex with that smile. 

“Yeah, it is.” Miles whispered and Alex stepped forward to kiss him, lips moving slowly and shortly, Miles reluctantly pulling away. “Come on, let’s get you to bed mister.” He hummed and interlocked their arms, walking back to Alex’s caravan. 

The paused at the bottom of the steps, the same place as the night before. But everything was different, far better than they had been 24 hours before, and Alex felt on top of the world. He was buzzing, the soft warmth of the weed flowing through his veins and the sensation that he got every time he looked at Miles making him feel lighter than air. He was a wet wipe, and he knew it. But as Miles kissed him goodnight, their bodies close and arms around each other, Alex knew it couldn’t last forever, and his heavy heart dragged him back to Earth with a thump.

“I promise I’ll see you tomorrow, Miles.” He said, Miles nodded and gave Alex’s hand one last squeeze before kissing him again. Alex smiled and reluctantly made his way inside, Miles waving at him as he shut the door. He slumped against it, melting into a puddle of confusion. He was lustful, adoring, but that was how everything terrible started in his past, every failed relationship began with the butterflies and this urge to run back after him. Miles would be a million miles away, nothing could be done to shorten that gap, but he just wished there was some easy way to just get him to come closer. He sighed into his hands and stumbled to bed, falling asleep in his pants and vest with a mind flooding with thoughts of Miles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter might take a little longer to post as I've got uni exams next week I really need to stop procrastinating my revision...  
> kudos and comments appreciated - my Tumblr is lazorjam :)


	3. iii

He was running off two hours. He sat in the restaurant staring at his plate of pancakes with a grimace, looking around the table as everyone tucked in, Oscar and Lily yelling something about how excited they were to meet Bradley. Alex has barely had the energy to put his shirt on, let alone scream the restaurant down. 

He’d woken in a cold sweat just after half three and sat staring at the wall for a while, trying to relax, but it hadn’t worked. Instead, he’d ended up heading outside with a box of cigarettes and guitar, walking in the direction Miles had taken him and to the quiet clearing. The staff accommodation was still glowing with yellow room lights, music and laughter distrusting the peace, and Alex wondered if Miles was still awake. He needed to get his mind off of that damned man if he had any chance of staying sane over the next few days, so he made his way into the woodland and to the log and roll mat, working out how to switch the lights on, and then sat down. Alex could see why Miles had such a space, the silence deafening as he started to strum his guitar, creating melody after melody as he chain-smoked. He sang through the baccy buzz and ignored the sick feeling in his stomach, but none of the lyrics came to the conclusions he was groping for, nothing summarised how he was feeling. 

After two short hours, he traipsed back to the caravan and sat down in the lounge, a rerun of the Simpsons on his TV as he stared at his phone screen. His friends were still awake, drunk messages in the group chat, and Alex was a little envious he wasn’t with him. If he had simply said no to his family and gone to Leeds then they wouldn’t be in this predicament- he wouldn’t know Miles existed let alone be unable to get him off his mind.

He was so tired, but thoughts of the scouser made it impossible to sleep.

As Alex cut up his pancakes and placed a forkful into his mouth, his stomach erupted in butterflies all over again. There, in a blue shirt and black trousers was Miles, leading the mascots into the restaurant. Alex kept his head bowed, as much as he wanted to snog Miles’ face off all over again, he had had more than enough hours to think things over, to muddle himself into the same circles over and over again. There was no point in falling in love with Miles when they were several counties away. There was no chance Miles would ever find himself back up north, and Alex was never leaving it. Alexa had warned him, knowing full well he’d give in to temptation rather than just leaving it, but he and Miles were perfect partners; it wasn’t something he could just ignore! 

“You’re looking glum,” Noted Taylor from across the table. “Things not work out between you and Scousy?” She asked, Alex chewing his lip as he sat back in the uncomfortable wooden chair.

“The opposite.” He grimaced, and Taylor was only confused. She frowned, eyebrows scrunched, and tilted her head. Alex went to explain, but Oscar began squealing. Over his shoulder, Alex watched Miles appear beside Bradley Bear, a grin on his face and a tray of milkshakes with sparklers in his hands. Alex looked back to Taylor, who was giving him a smirk and tried to sing happy birthday with as much enthusiasm as everyone else was. Sandwiched between Leah and Lily, who was about to burst with excitement at the sight of her favourite mascot, he tried to let their enthusiasm ooze into him. But it was no use, and as the song finished he shrunk back into his seat and took one of the milkshakes that were being passed down the table. Thankfully, his was chocolate, so he could sip it with some vague enjoyment. What he really needed was something to perk him up, to stop him from passing out at the table and to stop his thoughts being ones of pale chest and gentle kisses. He needed to cheer up and not ruin his grandma’s special day.

Miles was still lurking as they left, Alex could see him talking to one of the other families. He was wearing a bow tie for god's sake! As Alex stared at him, his heart yearned. He just wanted things to be different, for him to have not found himself the perfect man so far away. As he went to look away, Miles looked up, and he smiled. That smile. Alex swore his knees were going to give way. He gave him a little wave in response, lips curling into a tight smile before he turned and jogged to catch up with his family.

“Are you going to tell us what’s going on then?” Taylor asked, handing her cousin an already lit cigarette. “Or are you going to be a mopey bastard all day?” Alex tutted and had a drag, rolling his shoulders and looking up to the clear sky.

“It was great, like… But…” He chewed his lip and they sat down on a bench nestled between some trees just off the path. “It ain’t gunna last forever but I want it to. I think. I like him, and it felt like something so differen’ last night… So I’m torn. Proper torn.” He sighed and brought the cigarette to his lips, embers falling onto his lap. “I went into it knowing that it wasn’t gunna last though, and it ruined it. I was there, kissing this gorgeous man, and all I could think about was how sad I was I would have to stop kissing him at some point.” Alex scratched his head an sighed, looking at Taylor and Leah who were looking back at him with the same concerned smile.

“Nothing says you have to stop kissing him,” Leah said quietly, Alex bringing the cigarette to his lips. “For a while, perhaps, but Tay said you’re looking to get out of Manchester… You could find somewhere down here. Bristol, Exeter… They’re famed for the writer’s they’ve produced. Yet you’re close enough to him to have a relationship if you both want one.” She continued and Alex hummed, that fleeting thought about moving coming back to his mind. He didn’t really have much up in Manchester; he would see the band once a month, their youthful dreams of becoming rockstars diminished a long time before, and Alexa was good company. But it wasn’t tying him there. He could smoke weed and put off planning his first novel anywhere in the country. And if there is a place where he could be close to the man that could quickly become his muse, it seemed like a good idea. “And we’re close by.” She chuckled, Alex remembering that they were living just across the water in dreary Cardiff. “You could come and live with us!” She said excitedly, and Taylor laughed far too loudly at the thought. 

“Not sure Al wants us cramping our style like that, love.” She said, and Alex shrugged, looking at the two. “Unless…”

“No, no you two deserve your own space. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t turn up at your door in the morning cause I need company.” He added.

“Miles is all the company you need.” Smiled Taylor, winking at him and Alex groaned, inhaling another cloud of smoke. “Not everything has to be as horrible as you think they’re going to be, Al.” She noted and Alex looked to the grass, kicking at it with the squared toe of his boot. “Talk to him.” Alex nodded, still not looking at the two women. “Don’t lose yourself in your mind again, you clearly have been cause you look like you didn’t sleep a wink las’ night.” Alex took a last drag of his cigarette and snuffed it out on the bin beside them, end abandoned in the ashtray. 

“I’m seeing him t’night, we’ll have a chat then for sure. But I need some Red Bull, that’s for sure.” He chuckled and stood, wiping the ash from his jeans with his fingers. 

“I need some rizzlers anyway.” Taylor added, the two women standing and heading in the direction of the corner shop. Alex was glad to have them both for company, not sure he would have come to such a sensible conclusion had he been left with just his parents and aunts. But it did seem a drastic conclusion; to move all that way just for one man? Who he didn’t even know very well? Moving was only temporary, though. He could city hop as much as he wanted to until he found somewhere that suited him. 

He plucked two cans of Monster from the fridge and went to join Taylor and Leah at the tills. They were chatting, and they were happy, arms around each other and laughing at whatever the cashier had said. Alex was lustful for something like that, to be able to go out hands held and proud.

To be in love. 

Alex was bleeding. Again. 

He cursed himself for thinking jumping into the sea off the jetty was in any way a good idea, but Taylor and Leah had forced him. And now there was blood running down his calf and salt water multiplying the pain ten times over. He emerged from the water with a scowl, sitting down on the beach towel beside her mum. She looked up from her book at the sound and her eyes were on the cut immediately. 

“What did I do to deserve the clumsiest child in the world?” Penny sighed, getting tissues and a plaster from her bag. She wiped away the blood, with the help of a very motherly saliva damp tissue, and put a plaster over it. Alex was silent whilst she cleaned him up, then laying back on the towel, sand matting his wet hair. 

“I’m going to move down here.” He told his mother, shutting his eyes and resting his arms behind his head. The sea always made him feel dirty and gross, but they had been having such a good time and he was jittery from the amount of energy drink inside him. 

“Okay.” Penny said, picking her book up again. Alex was expecting more of a response from her, a gasp of shock horror and a plea for her darling son to stay up north where she could coddle and cuddle him. “Whatever is best for you darling.” She smiled at her son and Alex frowned.

“You’re not going to beg me to stay?” He asked quietly, cracking an eye open. 

“You’re a big boy, Ally. You’ve got your own life now. I’ll always be at the end of the phone, or down every weekend for a trip to the seaside and a barbecue.” She chuckled and Alex gave her a smile. “If you want to be down here, for whatever reason it may be, then I’m not going to stop you, love.” Alex sighed softly and rolled over, giving his mum a hug. “Just think about it first though… You have Alexa and the boys back home, you’ll be on your tod here.” She added and Alex gave her a small smile. “Well, perhaps not all on your own if things work out well with that Miles.” She teased and Alex groaned, flopping back onto the sand. 

“Is not just for him, Mum. I think I need to get to know life in a different bit of the world, help with me books an’ the like.” He argued, knowing full well he was lying through his teeth and Miles was the entire reason why he wanted to move.  _ Three days.  _ Alex reminded himself.  _ You have known Miles for three. damn. days.  _ He chewed his lip and grabbed his copy of Maurice that was buried in the sand, flicking through the pages. 

“It wouldn’t be the end of the world if it was, though. You deserve to find someone.” Penny said, Alex not taking his eyes from the words before him. “And don’t think we haven’t noticed you sneaking off to see him, if you want to we don’t mind. You clearly like him.” His mother added and Alex smiled to himself. 

“Yeah, yeah I do.” He mumbled, eyes on the words as they streamed into his mind, creating images of 20th century university life. 

They’d finished up at the beach when James had been stung by a jellyfish, Alex yelling that he was not going to piss on his brother just because of an urban legend. His father scalded him and the family traipsed back to the caravans, James still whimpering sobs on the walk back as Alex piggybacked him, little hands gripping his short hair. Alex placed an ice pack on the sting when they got inside, sitting with his brother and singing to him to help him fall asleep whilst Darren searched the flat from top to bottom for painkillers. Alex’s nick to the calf didn’t seem so bad in comparison to the red, bubbling skin on his brother’s back. 

“I can’t find any Al, can you go get some paracetamol from somewhere?” Darren asked and Alex nodded, ruffling his brother’s hair and picking his box of cigarettes from the coffee table, heading out the door and down towards the entertainment complex. Best bet was that one of the reps would have some and, if he was lucky, he would bump into Miles on the way. 

And lucky he was, the Scouser in the middle of a fingerpainting session. There was a smudge of blue on his cheek and yellow on his forehead, paint all over his arms and hands. But he was laughing, grinning at one of the boys. Alex shut the door behind him and the noise made Miles look back, a few of the kids looking over to him. Miles’ face shifted, becoming soft as he approached Alex. 

“Hey.” He said quietly, the two half a meter apart. “Everything okay?” He asked and Alex chewed his lip, giving Miles a once over. He was, and Alex didn’t use the word lightly, smothered in paint. Miles looked down at himself and laughed. “Sorry, these things can get mucky.”

“No, no it’s absolutely fine, I don’t mind… And, well, not really.” Miles tilted his head, obviously concerned. “We went down to the beach an’ our James got stung by a jellyfish. And we don’t have any painkillers. So a wanted to see if you ‘ad any.” He said and Miles nodded, putting his hands in his pockets and frowning. 

“Ah, not on me.” He checked his watch. “Gimme five minutes to wrap this up, I’ll run back to my room. Shops aint allowed to stock em cause of all the kiddies running about.” He said and looked over to where one of his colleagues was helping the kids hang up their paintings to dry. She wafted his hands at the two of them, telling them to go, and Miles gave her a double thumbs-up. “Come on.” He said, leading Alex to the door and out the clubhouse, along the winding roads. It was when they were past the caravans and the traditional rep-to-holiday maker chatter had silenced that Miles slipped his fingers around Alex’s and they stopped, away from prying eyes.

“I ‘avent stopped thinking about you.” Whispered Alex, Miles smiling at him, the paint on his cheek cracked under the fine lines of his skin. Alex cupped his cheek and ran the pad of his thumb over it. “About last night, about…”

“Us?” Miles smiled, and all Alex could do was nod, their eyes locked and a small yet somehow sad smile on Miles’ perfect lips. “Yeah, I have too. A lot. I din’t sleep last night, up thinking about you, about…”

“Us?” The two laughed and Miles nodded. “I was much the same, I got my guitar out and tried to let that lul me but… alas not.” Miles was casting his eyes all over Alex’s face and he couldn’t resist temptation, leaning forward to press their lips together. It felt like the first time again, Alex’s hand running through Miles’ soft hair and fingertips running over his scalp. Miles moaned, and Alex had never heard a more beautiful sound. 

Alex pulled away, lips damp, and reminded himself of the reason he was there. He needed painkillers, because James sure as hell wasn’t having a great time back at the caravan. Their foreheads were pressed, and another kiss was stolen, Miles then leading the way to his accommodation block.

“I like you. I like you a lot.” Miles said, tapping his pin into the pad on the wall. The buzzer screeched and door creaked, the two heading inside. Alex was hit by the smell of damp and cigarette ash first, the carpet matted and walls peeling. It was a dive, and Miles was visibly apologetic. 

“I like you too. A lot.” Alex replied as they ascended a steep stairwell, going up to the first floor and along another musty corridor. “An’ I’ve been thinking, well…” Alex paused as Miles fiddled with his door key, the lock rattling before, with a harsh kick, the door flung open and banged against whatever was behind it. Alex stepped in, and the door shut behind him.

“I don’t want this to be it, for you to be a week of my life.” Miles said, back against the door as he looked at Alex. “Is that too bold for me to admit?” He was scared of the reply, but Alex was filled with nothing but relief. Alex smiled, the two stood close in the small bathroom, and he reached to take Miles’ hand once more, rings knocking as fingers intertwined.

“I want the same.” Alex said, and Miles sighed with relief. “If it is bold then, well, let us be bold together.” He smiled and Miles lurched forward and wrapped an arm around him close, a bruising kiss to Alex’s lips as they stumbled backwards and onto the bed, toppled over and onto the lumpy mattress. Their lips never parted, and Alex’s hands ran under Miles’ polo and to the sides of his ribs. He could feel the sharp just of bone beneath the pale skin, his fingers exploring every dip and grove whilst Miles ran his thumb against Alex’s jaw. But he pulled away with a pant and tumbled backwards onto the floor, knees far too wobbly to support him. Alex looked around them and noted how different it was to the communal sections of the building. The sheets were crisp white, his guitar against the headboard and a stack of paperbacks on the bedside table. A chest was shoved under the window, piled high with notebooks and sheets of paper, a box of filters acting as a paperweight. There were photos on the wall behind Miles, of gleaming smiles and youthful faces. A few were setlists, ticket stubs tacked beside photos of bright stage lighting. There was a poster proud and central, the cover of This Is It hanging in an expensive frame. 

Every inch of it reminded Alex of his room in Manchester; from the feel of the sheets to the dying cacti atop his chest. Alex’s heart hammered in his chest, watching Miles stand and slip into the bathroom. When he returned, he was shirtless and his face was clean, a box of paracetamol in his hand. It took a lot for Alex not jump him immediately as the box was placed on his lap. He was just as stunning as before; all sculpted and smooth and… Alex moaned to himself, and tried to sanitize his thoughts. He had to make clear his most important points and then go back to help with James. His parents must have been wondering where he’d got to.

“I’m thinkin’ of moving.” Alex said as Miles buttoned up his royal blue bowling shirt, the company logo embroidered on his chest. “Bristol, Exeter, somewhere down this way… A change of scenery to help with me writing.” He said, the words making it seem all the more real. Miles looked at him, lip bitten.

“I was thinking of moving to Manchester.” He said, and Alex raised his eyebrows. “I’ve wanted to go back north for a while… I know what I said about being a southern lad an’ all but… There’s something I miss about the people an’ the culture.” He said, last button done up by nimble fingers. “An’ if you’re there then it seems worth it.” A smile played on his lips again as he sat down beside Alex. “We ain’t getting ahead of yourselves here are we?” Miles asked, and Alex thought.  _ Yes.  _ Was his immediate answer, but they were both on the same page, moving at the same pace. It was fine. They’d not been on conventional dates, but the hours of late night talking had told him all he needed to know about his and Miles’ compatibility. 

“Perhaps we are, but what matters if we’re both getting ahead of ourselves, coming to the same conclusions and all. That’s what really matters.” Miles took Alex’s hand and kissed him again, unable to resist the urge that overcame him every time his eyes danced over those high cheekbones and amber eyes. “But I should get back, let James have these.” He rattled the box about in his hand. “Thank you, Miles. I promise i’ll see you tonight,” He pressed a kiss to those plump lips again, intoxicated by the lingering taste of mint on his lips. 

“Okay, perfect. Did you want me to come and check on him? I’ve got proper first aid qualifications. If it’s that bad then I might be able to help out.” He suggested. It seemed a sensible suggestion, so they returned to the caravan together, fingers unlinking as the sound of laughing children came closer. Oscar and Lily were playing catch outside the caravans, Leah and Taylor watching over them with Milo and Teddy running around them excitedly, shrieking at nothing.

“This is the rest of the family,” Laughed Alex, gesturing to the kids and then turning to Taylor. “This is Taylor, and Leah.” Alex had mentioned them on the walk over, whilst trying to prepare him for the chaos that was the Turner family. Taylor smiled at them both.

“‘ow’s it hangin?” She said with a smile, Alex dragging Miles to their caravan before he could respond. James was asleep on the sofa, ice still on his back, and the two were quiet as they approached.

“Alex, you’re back!” Penny smiled as she emerged from the bedroom. James shuffled and cracked an eye open. “Hello Miles.” She smiled, and Miles reached to shake her hand.

“Alex said he’s been stung, I was going to check things over.” He said, looking at James and then to Alex. “Mind if I…” James was sleepily blinking at them as Miles gestured to him. He knelt and gave James a smile. “Hey matey, I’m just going to have a look at your back for you. Is that alright?” Miles asked. James nodded sleepily and shut his eyes again. Miles gently removed the ice from his back and looked at his back. It wasn’t too bad, the stringy red marks lacing all over his back. They looked sore, that was for sure, but he’d seen much worse. “Okay, it does look too bad, I think just some Sudocreme and painkillers will help. I can go get you some from the first aid kits if you need it?” He asked, standing up and brushing his knees off.

“We have some Miles, but thank you.” Penny said, giving him a smile. “Thank you for coming to have a look at him; it’s very very kind of you.” She added and Miles just grinned at her. 

“Not a problem, Mrs Turner. What I’m here for.” Alex smiled at him warmly, Miles turning to look at him. The two looked at each other for a few moments too long, Alex biting his lip softly at the sight. He wanted to kiss him, be as brazen as he could and just snog his face off. But not all the while his Mum was there, definitely not. “I should head back, I’m on lifeguard duty rest of the day.” He said, smiling at Alex and then his mother. “It was nice to see you again Penny, I’m sure I’ll see you this evening at some point.” He said, shaking her hand again.

“I do hope so, Miles. I really do.” She said, smiling at him with the same motherly warmth she’d shown Alex all his life. But it was so unfamiliar to Miles, to have a motherly figure in his life that loved him as much as Penny adored Alex. “It was lovely to see you, have a good afternoon dear.” Alex followed Miles out of the caravan, the two stood by the bottom step.

“She likes you,” chuckled Alex with a smile, Miles grinning at him. “I’ll see you later; what time do you finish?” 

“About ten, half ten… I mean, you know where my room is now so you could always pop up rather than me sitting about in the woods for hours.” 

“Yeah, alright, sounds like a great idea.” Alex smiled, chewing his lip. “Room 50, right?” he asked, Miles nodding in reply. “A’ight. I’ll see you later Miles.” A quick kiss was stolen as Miles walked away, Alex turning to watch him and seeing Taylor and Leah looking back at him and grinning. He knew exactly what would be coming next, sly comments galore from the two women. 

“Meetin’ ya ma already eh Al?” Taylor laughed, and Alex flipped her off jokingly, walking over and sitting on the grass in front of them. He could see Miles heading into the club house, the slight swagger and camp trot in his walk making him chuckle. “All good?” 

“Yeah, surprisingly so… He wants to move. To Manchester.” Both Leah and Taylor looked at him open-mouthed. “So… I dunno… Just have to wait and see won’t we.” 

Dinner was at a hotel in town, the fifteen of them along a long bench table eating steak and chips, laughter rife and plenty of gossiping undertaken. Alex spent the evening chatting to his grandma, sharing jokes and observations about her children and grandchildren until they were walking back, Alex’s hand in hers as the couple of pints he’d had with dinner warmed his chest. They headed straight to the clubhouse, a night of entertainment put on by the entertainment team on the cards, and Alex was more than hopeful that Miles would make an appearance.

Alex went up to order the first round, returning with a tray of J2o’s and two bottles of wine, setting them on the table and unable to sit before Taylor grabbed his tie and dragged him down to his seat.

“Christ Tay, what?” He asked and she pointed to Alex’s phone that was laying on the table. He’d not checked it in a few hours, but Matt had left him three voicemail messages, Jamie having called him twenty-six times. He grabbed his phone and all but ran outside, phoning Matt back. “Alright Helders?”

“Jamie got a call from Domino; they’ve listened to the LP Al, they want to sign us!” He exclaimed. Alex’s knees buckled and he fell to the grass, mouth wide in shock. His throat was tight and he felt like he was going to cry. “But, they need us in London tomorrow. They want us to play to ‘em before they sign us. Can you do that?”

“Christ, yes! Of course I can! Yes!” He exclaimed, a tear dripping down his cheek. It had been seven years since they formed, trying over and over again to get signed with every indie wave that washed over the country. This was it! Alex thought he was going to cry and never stop in sheer joy.

“Aight, I’ll text you the details. It’s an early one though Al so you gotta be sharp, yeah?” Alex nodded, speaking when he realised Matt couldn’t see him.

“Yeah, yeah of course.” He smiled, rubbing his face with his hand. “We’ve got this, Matt… We’re gunna make our million.” He laughed, Matt rattling a chuckle at the other end of the line.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Al.” He said before hanging up. Alex sighed and looked at his phone, biting his lip to hold back his smile. Taking a moment to compose himself and finally let it sink in, he thought he was going to cry again, face buried into his hands and a smile on his face. He shot up and ran back inside, straight to his family.

“We’ve got a label!” He exclaimed, a few people turning to look at him as his mum shot up and pulled Alex in for a hug. The table began to cheer, Penny holding her son impossibly close. “Domino! We’ve gotta go down tomorrow to talk to ‘em.” He added and soon Darren was hugging him too. “We’ve done it!” He laughed, face buried into his mum’s shoulder. They all knew how much this meant to all four of them, how hard they had worked over the last decade to get their EP ready for release. How they had had so many failed attempts at getting signed, lost Andy but gained Nick, released single after single, emailed every radio show going just for some airtime. But now, finally, recognition was within their grips.

Alex was soon delivered bottle after bottle of Stella, still feeling on top of the world as he sat watching the entertainment, his grandma laughing along to it having a whale of a time, her happiness lifting the mood of everyone sat around the table. But Alex’s mood shifted when Miles appeared on the stage. It was half ten, the kids in bed and Wild Boys playing through the speakers, the hen party from the night before grooving about on the dance floor. He’d not thought about Miles, how he would leave for London and probably never see him again. He swore under his breath, chewing his bottom lip as Miles took to the mic.

“Right ladies and gentlemen and e’ryone else, we’re just going to take a little pause because have got a very special birthday this evening.” The crowd ooed, but Aunt Lisa cheered excitedly. “The very lovely Olive Druce is celebrating ‘er 80th birthday today! So how about we all have a sing-song for her.” He said, as happy birthday began to play and the crowd sang along. Miles approached the family, cake in his hands with a fountain candle in the middle, sparks flying about as it was placed in front of Alex’s grandmother. Miles and Alex shared a smile, but it made his chest ache. Things had been going so well, but now? Now he had no clue what would happen. But he knew it would leave him hurting. As they finished singing, Miles gave Alex a wink and ran back to the stage to continue with the adult's disco. Alex’s eyes lingered in him but turned away when his chest felt like it was about to cave in.

They are the cake with just a fork, huddled around it and laughing as Taylor smeared chocolate sauce over her chin. But Alex’s mind was elsewhere, trying to figure out exactly how he could tell Miles the news. If Miles was thinking of moving to Manchester to be closer to him then there would be little point. Alex would have to move back to Sheffield, in theory, or down to London, wherever they could write and record. He was knocked from his thoughts by his mum shoving cake into his mouth.

Alex approached Miles’ room just after midnight, a soft tap at the chipped wood, the metal 50 rattling with a second of delay. Nothing. He knocked again, and the door peaked open, a head of wet hair appearing.

“Al!” Miles smiled, and he opened the door. The towel around his hips left nothing to the imagination, but Alex’s brain was too preoccupied with the words he’d rehearsed for the last hour to take most notice. “Come in la, come in.” Miles ushered Alex in, shutting the door behind the two. “Sorry, I was just having a shower.” His skin was still damp, and Alex could feel the warmth of it as he placed a hand on his small waist, the two close. 

“D’nt apologise.” Alex mumbled, pressing their lips together with Miles’ back to the wall. Alex held him close, a hand running through his long hair and giving it a tug to provoke a soft moan. This was what really mattered; this moment. To have Miles in his arms again, it was like nothing else was going on in his life. He was calm and the words he’d rehearst were forgotten. 

Miles’ fingers slipped up Alex’s t-shirt, gently tugging it over his head and dropping it onto the floor, a second of break in their kissing before Miles stepped forward to kiss him again, the two stepping back until they were on the bed. Gently, Miles’ lips travelled along Alex’s jaw and down the soft curve of his neck. He laid back against the soft cotton; Miles straddling him and their chests pressed together. But Alex’s breath halted, eyes squeezing shut as the thoughts came back to him. 

“Miles.” He whispered, and Miles sat up, looking at him with a tilt to the head. “I… I need to tell you something.” His voice was quiet, and Miles was instantly concerned. “Nothing bad, in fact, it’s really really good news… But…” He shuffled up, his fingertip drawing circles on Miles’ tanned skin. There was a tattoo under his rib,  _ Coup De Grace  _ scrawled in writing that seemed to be in very specific handwriting. “I need to go to London, tomorrow. Tha’ band I’m in, we’ve got a meeting at Domino.” Miles’ jaw dropped, soon forming into a grin.

“Tha’s incredible, I bet you’re so excited!” He exclaimed, not an ounce of sadness in his voice. “Honestly Al, that’s amazing.” He smiled, but Alex just shrugged. “You should be buzzing, surely?” He frowned, gently running a hand over his chest. 

“I am, yeah, and if we’d found out four days ago I wouldn’t be so… Well…” He chewed his lip and looked up at Miles, the towel barely on him and ready to slip off at any moment. He smiled, and Miles smiled back, understandingly.

“It’s been three days, Al. If our paths are destined to meet again then they will… But I’m still up for moving back t’up north. You just gave me a reason to finally do it.” He shrugged, before leaning down to kiss him again. Alex slid a hand up the back of the towel and ran along the silky skin on the back of his thigh, up the soft curve of his ass. He squeezed, and Miles dragged his teeth against Alex’s lip. “I know you’ll find me again, somewhere far from here, far from our meeting place.” He whispered against Alex’s lips, and Alex pulled the towel away slowly, Miles moving to drag his teeth against Alex’s neck. He moaned and arched his back. 

“I know I will, Miles.” He whispered, a hand dipping between their legs. 

The morning air was cool on Alex’s bare body. His alarm was screeching, but Miles was wrapped around him so tight he couldn’t reach it. His hair was stuck to his forehead, thighs sore and stomach tacky. But the warmth against his back, the soft breathing in his hair, the feeling of Miles nuzzle into him, it was impossible to ever get up and leave. But he had to, he had to leave this haven and start the newest chapter of his life. 

He leant enough to grab his phone and turned off his 5am alarm. He had an hour before he had to leave, and he knew he would make every second count. Miles was stiring, opening his eyes and blinking, a smile on his face as he looked up at Alex. 

“G’ morning.” He mumbled, shuffling about and burying his face into Alex’s collar. “Big day babe, big day.” He sighed, Alex pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head and wrapping his arms around him. “Nervous? Excited?” Alex shrugged. 

“Just tryna not think about it like…” He frowned, swiping the section of Miles’ fringe that was covering his eyes. “It’ll be fine, I know it will, but…” He chewed his lip. “This could be it, we could be on the cover of the NME tomorrow.” He laughed.

“Bit ‘ard considering the NME doesn’t exist anymore, laa.” Miles mumbled, and Alex gave him a playful slap before the two erupted into laughter, only silenced by Alex kissing him hard. 

“Don’t you get cocky otherwise I’ll ‘ave to bend you over again.” Alex purred and Miles smirked. “But then, you’d probably like that.” He grinned, the two kissing again and disappearing beneath the covers. 

He was in one of Miles’ shirts; just because. It fitted him perfectly, the black cotton neatly grazing his slim waist, the white collar and cuffs a detail Alex would have ignored before. But it seemed positively Miles, and it smelt like him too. 

Alex sat on the edge of Miles’ bed and played Scummy to him, the only rehearsal he would get to do before their big performance. But what a person to play to, sat in their pants and shirts, with Miles’ head on Alex’s shoulder as he played. 

“You’re gunna smash it, babe, I know it.” Miles smiled as Alex put the guitar back against the wall. Grabbing his jeans, he sat back beside Miles and pulled them on. “‘Ere.” Miles said, taking off the gold ring that sat on his middle finger. “A good luck gift, an’ to remember me.” Alex looked at it and slipped it on to his middle finger. He unclipped the gold chain that hung over his collar and passed it to Miles.

“An’ for you.” He smiled, leaning forward to kiss Miles’ cheek. “This is all a bit silly ain’t it, am sure we’ll see each other next week.” He laughed, not quite believing his own words. Miles just smiled, but there was a sadness in his eyes. “I’ll see, try come back tonight but… Dunno what’ll happen.” He shrugged and stood, grabbing his phone from the table and putting it into his pocket. He checked the room, picking up his socks and putting them on. 

“Don’t sweat it, Al. Just have a good day, yeah?” Alex would try, he had to. It was going to be the best day of his life. But this? This was impossibly hard to do. “Call me an’ let us know how it went.” Miles added, Alex distracted by how few buttons were done up on Miles’ shirt. What he would do to strip him down and kiss every inch of skin once more. 

“Yeah, course I will.” He tugged on his other sock and then let out a breath. “I’m already runnin late, I don’t wanna go but I should.” He frowned, and Miles rubbed his shoulder. They kissed, over and over again with growing passion, but Alex knew he had to go, otherwise he would be in too deep and never leave.

Resentfully, he stood and slid on his trainers, Miles standing and grabbing some trackies from the foot of the bed. Alex opened the door and Miles took his hand. They looked at each other, a smile on their faces. It was goodbye. For how long, they didn’t know. But as Miles pressed his lips to Alex’s for the last time, they both knew they would find each other again somewhere, somehow.


	4. iv

Miles’ expression was blank. He blinked twice and then shuffled in his seat. The leather was hard and wood creaked under him - being in the office without his massive sofa back home was going to wreak havoc with his back today.

“No.” He announced after five seconds of silence. James frowned at him.

“They’re the biggest band on the planet… You don’t want to even think about it? I thought you’d be jumping at the chance Kaneo; you love that type of music don’t ya?” 

“I said no, James. Leave it at that.” The chair scraped against the floor as he stood and left with a shake of the head.

Bloody Arctic Monkeys, bloody Alex Turner. Miles’ hands bawled at his side as he went down to the lobby to get a coffee. If he was sensible, he would have been reasonable and accepted his manager’s offer with grace and decorum. But he was Miles Kane; he did what he wanted to. He hadn’t built his brand from saying yes to everything; and he definitely wouldn’t stoop so low as to saying yet to Alex Turner. Three years had crawled past; three years of Miles enduring Alex pop up everywhere in his life; from chat shows to Vogue to him getting dragged onstage when he went to see The Strokes for the first time in a decade.

Alex hasn’t called, so why would he bother to make it so easy to reconnect? 

Coffee trickled out of the machine at a pathetic pace, barely giving him half a cup. Adding in a spoonful of sugar and too much milk, he went back up to the office and sat at his desk. Coffee sloshed onto his jeans from the gusto, and he swore. One more thing and he was quite sure he would have a breakdown.  _ Not the day before your birthday, Mi. You’ve got this. You can hold it together. _ He breathed in. Pause. He breathed out. Ten cycles of the slow rhythm got him to the point where he could log back into his computer without typing with such force he drew attention to himself. He tried to be as quiet and insignificant as he could in the office, proving that his seven million YouTube followers were wrong about him being bold and brash. But today was different. Today Alex had been dragged back into his life by the horns. The sheer idea he would want to spend hours sat in his flat getting drunk with him and interviewing him, trying to act like there was nothing wrong, nothing between them. Even the idea of it made his teeth grind.

Although the gold chain still hung around his neck and the note he had written in Miles’ lyric notebook in scrawny handwriting was pinned to his office wall, Alex angered him. 

“Miles?” James called, poking his head from his office. “Come here.” Miles stood, grabbed his mug, and entered the office again. He kicked the door shut and sat opposite James. “Alex Turner has personally asked to be on Tipsy Talk. And you still want to say no?” James was obviously confused, and he had every right to be. Two number one albums and another on the way said there was no reason why Alex wouldn’t appear on the most popular music and culture podcast-come-video series there was. James had always thought Miles an enigma; but this was just proving it.

“It’s still a no.” Miles said with a shrug. “I don’t want him on the show. He’s a prick… You can just tell from looking at him.” He added, sitting back in the chair and trying to get comfortable.

“What if I don’t give you a choice, Kaneo.” James stated and Miles could feel the anger rising in his body again, heartbeat swimming in his ears. He gripped his thighs beneath the desk. “It’ll give the show the boost you need right now cause you’re barely scraping a million views a video and we need more than that. You know what, that’s your decision made, Alex is coming on the show.” Miles saw red. How could he let the man who he had fallen in love with so quickly could drop off the face of his earth and reappear again just like that? How could he allow James to let Alex waltz back in like that without consequence? Miles stood and stormed out, heading up to the roof for a smoke and ignoring James as he yelled his name. 

He looked across Covent Garden with a scowl, cigarette drooping between his lips and a hand running over his buzz cut. Curse that man, with his doe eyes and floppy hair and that voice, that raspy beautiful voice that lulled him into another world. The voice he would sometimes listen to to help him get to sleep, a calming northern drawl that was so familiar, that he had grown to fall in love with. He had a copy of the Monkey’s debut album he would put on sometimes, just to take him back to when Alex perched on his bed and serenaded him with Scummy. He growled to himself at the thought of how soppy he had been, how mopey he’d become for the first few months when Alex was everywhere he looked. But even now, he would find 505 creeping onto shuffle as he got ready for bed in the evenings.

Miles breathed in deeply, the smoke making him cough and slip the cigarette from his lips. 

He still remembered the day Alex left, how he woke up happier than ever before but fell asleep drunk and teary. His bed sheets still had the same warm scent to them that was so familiarly Alex that it made his mind fill with images of him; of the night before. He was desperate for him to ring, to let him know how they had gotten on. He refused to lower himself to going to see Penny and Darren just to ask; he wouldn’t be so weak. It made Miles sick to think about now, how Alex had appeared two weeks later on the front of The Sun with some pretty brunette on his arm. The same pretty brunette he had been pictured with ever since, Miles being faced with a bombardment of photos of them every time he checked the showbiz pages of The Mirror. Miles had bolted the next morning, packed up his room and left for Manchester with a vague hope of seeing Alex again, but he never did. He only found himself waking up beside men that looked like him time and time again, but nothing compared to waking up next to Alex.

“Get a fuckin grip, man.” He whispered to himself, another slow breath of smoke as his eyes danced along the cityscape. Covent Garden was as busy as ever, and he wanted to be back in the hustle and bustle below. He loved London, even though he had only been in the city for a few months. There was so much culture and life everywhere he looked, families from all walks of life living on his street and making him think about how different even his life was to theirs. He was an openly gay man who had got lucky; he had picked up a camera two years ago and he had been launched into startdom within days. He didn’t recognise the man who would walk around holiday parks and tend to poorly children; he felt like he was far more adult in every way.

He wasn’t ashamed to say the heartbreak had changed him, massively.

Miles could hear a comic performing in front of the main complex, beneath the Wetherspoons he had frequented many times, and if he lent over the barrier enough he could watch him run about the crowds with overzealous arm movements. He saw himself in him, five years ago when he walked into the club house at Burnham for the first time. Miles smiled for the first time in an hour.

Poppy was grinning at him when he opened the front door just after eight. He was already in his pyjamas, a silk shirt and trousers combination he’d bought from some fancy shop in Soho a few years before. There was a stain on the cuff and the bottoms were slightly too short for his long legs. They weren’t ones he liked to be seen in, especially not by Poppy.

“You look swanky.” Poppy grinned, letting herself in and taking off her black trench coat. Beneath, she had a black satin dress on. Miles instantly became suspicious. “You’ve got half an hour to make yourself look pretty; we’re going out.” She announced and Miles stared through her. 

“No we’re not.” He answered, still stood at the half open front door. “I’ve already eaten, and I’m exhausted.” He added but Poppy wasn’t having it. She made her way into the front room and laid down on the sofa, arms folded across her chest. “Poppy, I’m not leaving the house. I’ve already got me jarmas on.” He called, shutting the door and then going into the living room.

Him and Poppy had met when he’d moved to London, mixing in the same circles and attending the same award shows. They’d grown close, Miles tempted to say best friends, but they were dramatically different people. Poppy was wild and out there, everyone’s mate on a night out and always up till dawn. Miles on a night out was Miles at any point. He was chatty, yes, but his mood could switch in seconds. New Miles always had anger bubbling under the surface, something therapy had helped with, but he managed to bottle it most days. The tablet he took when he woke up each morning and his weekly trips to see his therapist to help him manage his PTSD helped, but he knew a few drinks in him would calm him after his terrible day, especially if he had his friends around.

“I don’t care, Miles. It’s your birthday! We’re going to Heaven. We’ve got a booth booked; you, me, Hannah, Miquita, Daisy, Jamie, Lana…” The company did seem good. “Cara might even pop by with some of her friends.” She added with a wink and, as reluctant as Miles was, he nodded. The Delevigne clan often brought very handsome men with them, and if there was anything that would cure Miles’ mood it was a shag with a stranger.

“Alright, I’ll go get dressed.” He grumbled and went upstairs. Off came the pyjamas and on went the tight black shirt and even tighter jeans. He shaved, dabbed on cologne, and went back downstairs with his leopard print loafers in his hand. “A’ight?” He said, and Poppy beamed at him.

“You look fantastic.” She grinned and Miles pulled on his shoes, grabbing his leather jacket from the hook in the doorway. “I’ll get us an Uber.” She called. and Miles went back upstairs to grab his wallet, realising it was missing from his pocket. He went into his office and picked it up, placing it into his back pocket. He’d finished his loose leaf that morning, so a box of Marlborough would have to do. His lighter neatly fitted into his front pocket and his phone sat in the empty rear pocket. He took a moment to look at himself in the mirror.

His shirt was unbuttoned to his chest, gold chains framing his jut of collar. The one Alex had given him was still hanging low against his nape, and the spot where his favourite gold ring had once been sat still empty. He knew he could have taken off the necklace, replaced the ring, but the feelings were still buried in his gut. Even with the three years of silence, Alex was still the closest thing to a partner Miles had come to. People had tried to get into his life, to win over his heart, but Miles was resentful to let them try. He had learnt to love being on his own, his own and his friends company all he needed in his day to day life. He blinked at his reflection and pulled his lips into the best smile they could form.

He was back downstairs when the Uber pulled up outside. They went out to it and Miles shuffled into the back, checking his phone as they whizzed around the busy London streets, James’ email with the details of his and Alex’s interview pinging into his inbox. It was in a week's time, giving him enough time to think of some questions and compose himself ahead of seeing Alex again. He would go for a haircut, perhaps head to Selfridges and get himself something new to wear. He had to prove to Alex that he’d made a mistake by not sticking around with him, that in a short space of time he had become far more attractive and confident. It would be hard to not rage at him the second he set eyes on him, but it would be worth it for the satisfaction it would serve him. To get his own back and give Alex a piece of his mind. 

The group were already at the bar when they arrived, Miles greeting them all with a hug and a kiss, everyone complimenting him on how great he looked. He soon had a double whisky in his hand and downed it, two more downed before he’d even properly joined his friends. Jamie was placing trays of shots on the table when Miles sat down, the seven of them leaning forward to take four each, downing them in harmony. Miles sat back in his chair and wrapped an arm around Jamie’s shoulder, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Jamie could tell something was up with his mate, see through the dead eyed grin; Miles was incredibly quiet and from the way he was drinking it was obvious he was on edge. Jamie had faced the brunt of Miles’ anger many times, being squared up to after a few too many pints in his back garden. It would always end with Miles in tears in his arms, his erratic emotions always confusing Jamie. 

“Mi, gonna be a good night. There’s that drag queen you love on at Heaven. With the big arse and big tits.” Miquita grinned, sipping on her fancy cocktail. “Baga Tits, something like that.” Miles knew who she was talking about, and necked his whisky.

“Baga Chipz.” Laughed Daisy, Miles chuckling with them.

“Yeah, love ‘er. Looking forward to it.” He said, getting up to go and get another drink. 

“He’s having a shit one.” Jamie said, looking over to Miles as he took to the bar. “Reckon something’s happened at work…” The group turned to look at their friend and then back to Jamie.

“Alexa said Alex wants to go on his show.” Daisy murmured. “He probably knows.” They all knew Miles’ seething hatred for Alex, but they didn’t know the reasoning beyond ‘he just seems like a prick.” He would always move the conversation on when he came up, and he straight up refused to ever meet Alexa even though nobody had a bad word to say about her. But tonight, they all knew that Alexa and Alex were out with Cara, and Miles was going to have the shock of his life. There was nothing they would be able to do to stop them meeting, apart from letting Miles get as drunk as he could so he’d be forced to head home before Alex arrived. He arrived back at the table with two more trays of shots and placed them down with a grim.

“Bottoms up, ladies.” He hummed, downing two at once. 

Miles was dancing for the first time in years, erratically moving his limbs and clumsily twirling Daisy about on the dancefloor in Heaven as they dodged the sweaty men who were trying to steal a second to speak to Miles. He didn’t care that they had a spot up in the VIP area that his friends were currently occupying, the vodka running through his veins was making him feel alive and he needed to dance. Daisy was laughing madly as they spun about to Lady Gaga, arms around each other.

Miles seemed happy, and none of them wanted to chance it by mentioning the guests who would soon be joining them. Instead they’d laughed as Miles was pulled on stage by the drag queen, gleefully going with her antics as she gave Miles a lapdance, pink feather boa around his neck. He laughed till his sides were sore, giving Baga a tight hug and a red lipstick mark left to his cheek as he was helped off stage and back to his mates. Cara had joined them, talking to her sister and then turning to Miles when he came close.

“Happy birthday darling!” Kisses were exchanged and Cara led them back up to the VIP lounge. Miles was stumbling, holding on to Daisy for dear life as they staggered up the steps and up to the balcony of the club. Laughter was still bubbling from Miles as they joked about the last ten minutes, how keen Miles had been when his shirt was unbuttoned all the way and how he’d sung along to Frankie Goes To Hollywood like he was Holly Johnson himself. There was already loud laughter coming from the table they were approaching and Miles jumped onto Daisy’s back when she made a joke about how comfortable Miles had looked when the queen had been grinding on him. 

“Oh you great lump.” Daisy laughed, hands around Miles’ legs as they reached the others. Miles’ mood dropped instantly. He slipped from Daisy’s back and his eyes darted to the five new sets of eyes looking back at him. Daisy grabbed him a margarita from the table and he downed it, about to make a comment about the smear of lipstick on Miles’ cheek. The glass shattered as he slammed it on the table and walked away. The table looked at each other confusedly, but Alex stood. 

“I’ll sort it.” He said. His Sheffield drawl was just the same, leather jacket hanging loosely around him as he went in the way Miles had. He could see him reach the bottom of the stairs, having difficulty controlling his legs, and Alex broke into a jog, fingers gripping the end of the feather boa as they reached the entrance of the smoking area. Miles spun round, and their eyes met for the first time in three long years. “Miles.” Alex whispered, the soft pink feather still in his hand. 

Miles looked older, face wrinkled beneath his eyes and corners of his mouth and his youthful, fluffy brown hair reduced to just a haze shadowing over his head. But everything else was still the same; the same body that Alex dreamt about once a week, the same aegean eyes that were wet with tears under the fluorescent club lighting, and the gold chain he had given Miles all those years before still hid beneath his blonde chest hair. He was as beautiful as ever, and every single feeling came rushing back.

But he knew he deserved the slap that was slashed across his cheek. His head hung for a moment and he looked back at Miles. He was crying. There were tears cascading down his cheek silently and his eyes were becoming bloodshot. Alex reached forward to swipe his tears away, the breeze blustering through from the smoking area doorway with goosebumps appearing over Miles’ bare arms. Alex wanted to hold him, to beg for forgiveness, to say everything he never got to say to him. To explain himself. 

“I’m sorry.” Alex said, his hand still cupping Miles’ face. “I lost your number, I went to check my pocket and ring you, but your number was gone. I tried to ring the Haven place to get your number but they said you’d left.” He continued, his hand dropping from Miles’ face as the tears stopped flowing but still slid down his cheeks. Miles still hadn’t moved, hadn’t taken a breath. Alex was scared. “I was so excited to tell you, Mi. About us getting signed, about what they had planned for the band… I went back to Manchester and we went to clubs, bars, everywhere we thought you might hang out. But then we went to LA to record the album, and then the tour, and we never got a spare day again. Until now.” He swallowed and wiped his face with his hand. Alex was sure Miles had been replaced with a model from Madame Tussauds when he wasn’t looking. “When I heard about your show, and that ‘lexa is mates with your mates, I wanted to try and reconnect.” Miles blinked. “Alexa is my best friend. We get money for press walks together… Mi, we both know you can’t be an out gay rockstar, even now. She’s got a boyfriend, has for years. I bet you’ve seen the photos of her and me, who hasn’t. I’m gay, and I’m going to come out. I am.” He frowned and let out a slow breath. “Please say something, Miles. Please.” He whispered and reached to touch his arm.

Miles was drunk, so drunk he could hardly think let alone process, but a surge of energy made him push Alex against the wall and stare at him, face to face with hot breath casting over Alex’s face. They staired, Miles’ hand cupping Alex’s cheek.

Alex could tell there was something different about him. Miles was sad. A sadness that dragged your soul into the dark and refused to let go of it without considerable force. Alex knew that sadness. It had overcome him and weighed him down for years, years of him doing lines in bathrooms just to get out on stage with an ounce of enthusiasm. The reason he downed pints on stage as the crowds cheered him on, even though he had already had enough beer to make his vision blurry.

As Miles touched him, fingertips pressed to his skin, he didn’t know what was going to happen. His cheek was sore from the slap, one of Miles’ many rings having caught his skin at just the wrong angle. But all his focus was on the pelvis pressed to his, the scent of lime and nicotine. 

Miles kissed him. 

Alex kissed him back.

But it was short, long enough to have Alex’s hands wrapped around Miles’s small waist, his leather jacket now slipped off his shoulders slightly, but far too short for it to sink into either of them what was going on. 

They went back to looking at each other, and Alex could trace every single change of mood in the way Miles’ lips quired and eyes flicked over his face. Alex stayed silent, basking in the feeling of Miles against him once again, savoring the taste that lingered in his mouth from the tongue that had slicked it. 

“D’ you wanna ‘ave a smoke?” Miles asked eventually, breaking the silence between them. Alex nodded, getting his box from his pocket as they went outside into the cold air of the empty smoking area. Miles shivered instantly, the two huddled in the corner lighting their cigarettes and leaning against the wall. Miles’ head settled against the wall and his eyes wandered over Alex. He shivered again, and Alex shrugged his leather jacket off, wrapping it around Miles’ shoulders with a small smile. Miles thanked him, and their fingers interlocked in the darkness. “I wa’ so angry, Al… Seethin, I ‘ated ya.” He mumbled, smoke leaving his lips as he spoke. “I didn’t think somethin’ like that coulda happened. I thought you just didn’t want anything to do with me.” He added, chewing his lip as he looked to the toes of his loafers. They were shiney from the alcohol that had been spilt over them throughout the evening, his favourite mohair shoes almost definitely ruined. He looked back to Alex, his lips still wet from their kiss. Miles’ blood was still south, and he was struggling to recover.

“It looked like I fucked and dumped you. You don’t have to explain your anger. We had promised so much, and we coulda had something so different. I thought of you all the time, every day for months. I still think about you. You are my muse, Miles.” Miles’ head hung low again, and Alex could take a moment to admire just how good his leather jacket was on him, how the sleeves fitted his muscular biceps tightly yet hung around his frame. He could snake an arm under it and hold him close, still keep him warm. He wanted to. But he couldn’t, he knew he couldn’t. He wanted to kiss him again, to hold him against the wall and kiss him till his lips bled. He wanted to pull at his short hair, he wanted to drop to his knees there and then. 

“I heard all them songs on the radio, Black Treacle, Secret Door…” Miles murmured. “I wondered, I wondered a lot. But then you and her, Alexa…” He shrugged and looked up at Alex, breathing in smoke and blowing it into the dark night sky. His eyes were still sad, Alex squeezing his hand and knew he wanted to do whatever he could to put that spark back into them.

“Do Me A Favour, 505. I wrote reems in those few months after we said goodbye. I built on them, even now.” Alex admitted, sliding against the wall and sitting down. Miles joined him, and Alex slung an arm over his shoulder. Miles, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, rested his head against Alex’s shoulder. Alex held him close, sat side to side as they finished their cigarettes. Miles flicked his to the other side of the smoking area whilst Alex stubbed his into the paving slab beside him. 

“I’ve written too. There’s books under me bed filled with lyrics I wrote for ya.” Miles murmured, looking up at him. Miles looked so beautiful in the dim evening light. It was just after two, and Alex wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with this god of a man under his wing. It was what he had wanted for so many years. Miles gave him a dopey smile. “Look at us being absolute wet wipes.” He laughed and sat up, their faces level and eyes meeting. “Ave got so much pent up anger, Alex… It’s changed me. Three days an’ you rocked my world.” He chuckled, reaching to take Alex’s hands in his again. “I thought I would know what this moment would be like, Al…” He chewed his lip and then looked at his lap. Alex ran his thumb over Miles’ knuckles, following the path of each ring. Alex thought he knew what this moment would be like too, and it definitely didn’t involve a slap to the face. “That it would be on a busy highstreet and we would catch each other’s eye, a moment of connection before getting lost in the streams of people… Or that we would meet like this, our circles finally crossing and I would have no choice but to take out all that anger.” He bit his lip and rubbed his face with his hands. “It ain’t all from you, my parents tried to take me back but wanted to send me for therapy, I’ve had the press following my every step for years. I’ve had my heart broken over and over again and not been able to talk about it without fear of getting outed…” Alex could tell he was getting upset again so held him closed.

“Perhaps we can make amends?” Alex asked hopefully, seeing the tide of emotions lap over Miles’ face. “I never wanted to treat ya bad. I have the time to love you now, Mi. And I have the time to settle. Like we wanted.” There was a quirk on Miles’ lips at the words, and Alex gave him a hopeful smile. Lips were crashing onto his again and that was it, the start of a new beginning.

“I think we should leave them to it.” Poppy murmured as they stood in the entrance of the smoking area. 

“Probably for the best.” Alexa laughed. “Come on, I’ll buy a round and tell you what they’re too afraid to.”

“Happy Birthday!” Alex chimed as Miles stepped into the dining room. He was in Alex’s shirt and little more. Alexa and Poppy were hunched at the dining table smoking, giving him a wave on entrance. Miles rubbed his sore head and gave Alex a smile. “I’ve made french toast. We only had almond milk though.” He added, placing a second plate on the table. 

“Thanks, Alex, it looks amazing.” He smiled, following him over to the sink and wrapping an arm around his waist. “You’d don’t have to go to all this effort, although it is helping me forgive you.” He teased and Alex ran a hand over his back.

“Well I'd like to hope I more than made things up to you last night.” He teased, stealing a kiss from the scouser. “Cause I’m sure knackered today.” He chucked and then looked over his shoulder when Grimmy and Jamie appeared, the DJ rolling his eyes when he saw the hand on Miles’ brief classed arse. 

“Ugh, it’s too early for that Al.” He mumbled, nabbing a piece of french toast and smothering it in maple syrup.

“The difference twelve hours and a shag can make, eh?” Jamie grinned and Miles flicked him the bird, everyone laughing loudly. “Our poor ears.” Jamie pouted at his mate and Miles rolled his eyes, sitting down next to him. 

“Some of us haven’t had a decent lay in a few years.” He pointed out, flicking Jamie’s nose. 

“Yeah it was really starting to show.” Jamie laughed and Miles rolled his eyes once more, the two men smiling at each other. 

Alex joined them, the girls finally appearing made up and ready to go. They sat around the dining table, and raised a toast to Miles. 

“To a healthy, happy, love-struck fourth decade on this planet. To Miles” Jamie cheered and they clinked glasses, Miles' hand resting on Alex’s thigh, giving it a soft squeeze. They shared a glance before tucking into the grand spread Alex had prepared.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hurry up!” Alex yelled, looking behind to Miles who was bent over, clutching the split in his side. “Mi.” He called, and Miles tried to straighten himself, huffing and puffing with sweat sticking his hair to his forehead. 

“Go on without me.” He called in reply, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. His chest was rising and falling rapidly and he sat down on the grass to gain his breath. “Go on!” He exclaimed between pants as Alex rolled his eyes and jogged back to the Scouser, hauling him up with an arm over his shoulders.

“I made a promise to never leave you and that applies in all instances.” Alex said, Miles’ lips curling into a small smile at his words. “Even if we are going to lose.” He laughed and Miles shot him a glare. “It’s fine, it’s fine.” He laughed and pressed a kiss to his temple. At that, Lily and James ran past laughing. James, much to Alex’s annoyance, turned around and gave them the bird. Now 24 and as tall and lean as Alex had always wanted to be, his brother laughed and then continued to chase after their sister with a grin

Whilst they had never decided to do a forest expedition all the other times they had visited the caravan park, Alex’s mum had decided it was the perfect way to let out some steam now they were all that bit older. Alex and Miles had, initially, been up for the challenge. How difficult could a 5k through very hilly forest be? Very, it turned out. 

Already Alex had fallen down several hills, they had come very close to throwing themselves off a cliff face, and Miles’ was head to toe in mud from a very Vicar of Dibley-esk puddle moment. But it was fun, a lot of fun, but also far more exertion than either of them had done in some time.

“Alright, I’m good, I’m good.” Miles puffed and they started a slow jog, fingers intertwined as they slipped down an incredibly steep, muddy bank together. Their rings clinked together as they ran, grip tightening when Alex could feel Miles beginning to struggle. Soon, the clearing was in sight; it was the boost of energy that they both needed to sprint towards where their family was stood. Penny was already laughing at the sight of them, bent double as the two men approached and grabbed a bottle of cider each from the coolbox. 

“Well, you sure look like you gave it a good go.” Penny chuckled as the two sat down on the grass, Alex resting his head on Miles’ shoulder and fighting to take off his muddy trainers and socks. “And second isn’t bad!” James was shirtless and swigging from a bottle of water. He grinned at the two cheekily as they ditched their muddy t-shirts.

“Not bad for two ageing rockers.” Darren added from his deck chair, making the two chuckle.

“Thirty three isn’t aging, we’re just beginning.” Miles added, ruffling Alex’s hair with a dirty hand. 

“Should have done better with all that running about you do on stage.” James pointed out, and there was soon a smell, muddy sock being thrown directly at him. It squished against his collar and Alex laughed loudly, his brother quickly flinging the sock back towards them. It slapped across Miles’ shoulder, leaving a wet, muddy mark. He groaned and fished it off, placing it on the floor beside Alex. 

“Let’s not drag me into this, yeah.” He chuckled, the group looking up as the others ran through the clearing. Oscar was limping, and Lisa was even muddier than Miles. “Oh no.” Miles laughed, getting up to check on Oscar. They sat down with the siblings and helped themselves to drinks. The barbecue had just been lit and Alex felt relaxed for the first time in a long while. He laid down on the damp grass and let out a relaxed sigh. 

His mind wandered to the last time he was here, to when he met Miles and how they had kissed in the very woods they’d just trekked through. He regretted what happened, of course he did, but as he looked over to him through a squinted view, he was more than happy they had found each other again. It had been seven years, seven long happy years of falling in love with him, finding something new and more beautiful in him every day. He wanted to feel like that for the rest of his life, and with Miles at his side he knew he would. 

Alex laid and stared up at the sky. It was warm for September, a light breeze cooling him down from the 5k sprint, but the sun kept his cheeks rosy. The band had finished touring five days before, an unbelievably busy summer of touring far and wide across the world. But standing on stage at Castlefield Bowl, staring out across the northern crowd, it was like no other gig in his life had ever mattered. He was nervous for the first time in years, but as the opening chords for Do I Wanna Know rang through the stadium, they slipped away. Everything was as it was meant to be, and as he looked off stage to where Miles was standing in the wings smiling back at him, everything felt okay.

“Is my foot going to fall off?” Oscar asked sheepishly, and Miles chuckled, holding ice against his swollen ankle. "I don't want to have just one foot Miles!" He whimpered and looked up at Miles with a pout. 

“Don’t worry la, you’re not going to lose it. You’ve probably just sprained your ankle. You can still hobble, right?” He asked. Oscar nodded and looked up to his mum. “You’ll be alright kidda.” He smiled, Lisa taking over the ice holding so he could return to Alex. 

Miles flopped onto the grass beside him, just in time to see Taylor and Leah jog through the clearing. They were relatively unscathed and mud free, a slick of mug on Leah’s leg but otherwise sparkling clean. They greeted the group with smiles and then settled down on the grass with beers in hand. 

“You’re very clean.” Alex mused, looking to his cousin. “Sure you didn’t take some kind of short cut?”

“If we did that we would have come first, wouldn’t we.” Taylor pointed out with a smile, taking her hair down from the high ponytail. “We found a proper track so just wandered it for a bit.” She added and laid back on the grass. “And we’re not muddy and sweaty like you guys. Ugh, chest.” She chuckled and turned away from the two men.

“Well, all the fun is in getting lost an’ muddy, though.” Miles pointed out as he swigged his cider. “Just a walk otherwise.” 

“Yeah, exactly. That’s what we were going for.” Leah grinned and Alex flopped back onto the grass, tangling his fingers with Miles’ as his mum dished out the sandwiches from the cool box. 

It had taken a while. Beyond the morning of his birthday, Miles and Alex had taken things slowly. Miles had had Alex on Tipsy Talk which started a spiral of rumours after their endless flirting, but it had still taken months for them to become official. Alex was all over the country touring, and it was impossible to be alone together for any longer than a night, but it never broke them. They finally whispered  _ I love you  _ under the linen of a hotel room somewhere in Glasgow, wide awake with the adrenaline from the gig some five months after reconciling. But it had made it all the more special, for Alex to not care when he was outed by the British press the day they played Glastonbury, a photo of him and Miles kissing at side of stage of The Strokes when they had headlined the Friday night, sat high on the scaffolding with the rest of the Monkeys and their girlfriends. They had cried, Alex had had a panic attack before they took to the stage, but the pride flag blowing high above the audience had given Alex the confidence he had needed as he scrummed the opening chord of When The Sun Goes Down. 

That had been a year into their relationship, a year of laying low and acting like strangers in public. But everyone knew, of course they did, Alex could hardly keep his hands off his boyfriend when they were behind closed doors. They had had some close scrapes, money sent to The Sun to stop them from publishing the most horrifically slanderous article their men had ever read the day the Monkey’s second album was due to be released. But there was nothing they could do aside from stare at their phones and embrace, whisper that it was going to be okay.

And it was okay - it was always going to be okay! They knew the public weren’t the press and Alex just needed to have the band there to support him and it was all going to be okay. If he could sing Still Take You Home with the same meaning he did a day before then it would all be fine. Miles stood side of stage with a smile that not once dared leave his face. That sight was all Alex ever needed. 

“We’re releasing an album.” Alex said over the barbeque. The sky was darkening as they readied for dinner. They had set up between their two caravans, a long bed of blankets covered the grass and the family sat eating their burgers and basking in the last of the day’s warmth. “A month or two, we wanted to do something together, spend more time with each other…” He gave Miles a smile as they finished dishing up the burgers. “Obviously we’re not telling that many people, don’t want to ruin the surprise and all but… Well…” He chewed his lip and placed the last burger down in front of his boyfriend. 

“You’re our family, so you deserve to know. And what better place to tell you than where we met.” Miles said, slicking the burger with ketchup and mustard and then placing it with the others. “Obviously I’m not piggybacking off of Al’s success just to make me own like, but we just wanted to do something together. We’ve been writing for each other, with each other, for so long that it just seemed right.” He sat down on the floor beside where Alex had settled himself and wrapped an arm around him.

“That sounds wonderful, it’ll be good for you two to get to spend the time together.” Penny smiled and Alex fiddled with the ring that had hugged his middle finger for the last ten years. “I suppose you’ve not really been up to much recently Miles, it’ll be good to keep yourself busy.” Whilst his YouTube career had long been flushed down the drain in favour of a more private life that had been teared from him for the first few months of his and Alex’s public relationship, Penny was right. He was getting bored, a little stir crazy in their ridiculous Chelsea townhouse. There was only so many time he could walk the highstreet in a day before people got suspicious. 

“Yeah, yeah that’s the plan. It’s been good to be recording and that, I mean I’d been writing for people, Alexandra and that, but getting to do it ourselves is going to be nice.” Miles said as Alex continued to look at his ring. Miles wrapped an arm around him and kissed his temple. “It’s an adventure.” He smiled and Alex tugged his ring off. 

Taylor, who had been keeping a close eye on them over the last three days, grinned to herself and poked Leah far too aggressively. They watched as it happened in slow motion. The sky was deep orange as Alex turned and got to his knees, clutching the ring Miles had given him a decade before in his palm. Miles turned with furrowed brows and smiled at Alex. His shirt was unbuttoned to just below his pecs and the gold chain still rested against his tanned collar. 

He remained the most incredible, beautiful man Alex had ever met. 

“Well, so long as you can promise me that no matter how terrible the record sales are for this, you’re never going to leave my side. That the promise we made that cold morning after we met again still remains, that I am never going to leave you again. Miles, I want you to have this back in return for becoming my husband.” Alex’s words were slow and nervous; he was acting on impulse and his heart and head were coaching him on. As Miles’ face lit up and a chorus of gasps broke the calm of the evening, Alex had never been so sure of anything in his entire life. Miles chewed his lip and looked at the ring in Alex’s palm. 

“Alright, but if the record does shit it’s all your fault. On that agreement, yeah I’ll be your husband.” The same smooth calmness, the northern cheekiness bubbling below the surface, the voice that Alex wanted to wake up to for the rest of his days, said. Alex slipped the ring onto his finger, and he pulled him in for a kiss, foreheads pressed and arms around each other as Alex’s, their, family clapped them excitedly. Penny was already crying, and Taylor was fast to wipe the tear that dripped from her lashes. 

“Ugh you’re so cringy.” Lily laughed and James grinned from her side. 

“Get a room you two.” He added, giving his brother a wink. A half eaten burger swooping through the air and splodging ketchup onto the middle child’s t-shirt sent them all into laughter. But Alex and Miles sat looking at each other the same way they had the first time they had kissed just a ten minute walk away.

“I love you, Alex.” Miles whispered to him beneath the cackling laughter of aunt Lisa. “But I was serious about it being your fault if the record does shit.” He broke into a grin and Alex pounced, sitting upon Miles’ lap and kissing him like he had never kissed before. 

“Darling, my mistakes were made for you.” He laughed and Miles laughed, silenced only by the lips that met his once more. 

_ The End. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, kudos and comments are more than appreciated. This is my first Milex work in a good eighteen months so I might be a bit ropey, but hold in! This won't be a long one, but I feel like posting a chapter will actually make me stop and get on with my uni work...
> 
> Title comes from Caravan of Love by The Housemartins  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehfiQd7lcPY


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